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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. Do advantage of this development outweigh this disadvantages ?

Mostly
Punctuation problem
Mostly,
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 undergraduate gave more preference to complete their college education in their own
nation
Use synonyms
 in the past
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
. But, these days they have more options to do their higher
studies
Use synonyms
 in
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 countries.
This
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 trend
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more benefits for the students than drawbacks, and I will explain it in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraphs. One of the main advantages of moving abroad for
further
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 education is the exploration of
multicultures
Correct your spelling
multiculturalism
.
While
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 studying in a foreign college, they will meet with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people from
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 countries , in
this
Linking Words
 way they will not get a chance to learn about cultures and traditions, but
also
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 gain valuable information about their
country
Use synonyms
's geographical factors.
Hence
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, by studying in a foreign
country
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, scholar
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scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars
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 will be able to explore other countries. Another benefit for students of completing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 degree in
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
 is the independence, as when they move
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas for their
studies
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,
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then
Rephrase
apply
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they have to do all their work by themselves, whether it's related to income purposes or household chores.
For example
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:
last
Linking Words
 year, my friend,
Fix capitalization
Aman
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aman
Punctuation problem
aman,
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 went to
canada
Fix capitalization
Canada
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 for her
studies
Use synonyms
, she
Punctuation problem
. She
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did
Verb problem
apply
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not only
work
Wrong verb form
worked
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 20 hours to earn money, but
also
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attend
Wrong verb form
attended
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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college side by side with their work schedules.
Thus
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, above mentioned factor
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
show examples
 the value of
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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country
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
in
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student's
Correct article usage
a student's
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 life.
On the other hand
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend
also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some drawbacks in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars
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. First and foremost is homesickness, because students have to move alone out of the
country
Use synonyms
 for their
studies
Use synonyms
.
Then
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, sometimes, it's really difficult for them to compensate
with
Change preposition
for
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 their situations,
such
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 as stress, loneliness.
In addition
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 to it, brain drain is
also
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 another negative point for their own
country
Use synonyms
. If children move to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 their own
nation
Use synonyms
 will lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talented people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 trend will have
worse
Correct article usage
a worse
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 impact on their economy. In conclusion,
although
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 there are more advantages of moving to other nations
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 getting
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to learn about other cultures and
increment
Check wording
an increase
show examples
 in independence level,
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 disadvantages cannot be neglected.

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task
Your essay shows a clear attempt to discuss both sides and to give an opinion, with examples. To improve, keep a steady stance in the conclusion and ensure your view matches the introduction.
coherence
Make your ideas easier to follow by using clear paragraphs and topic sentences. Use shorter sentences and simple words to link ideas.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling: subject-verb agreement, plural 'countries', etc. Use simple, correct structures.
examples
Give more specific examples and explain why they show benefits or drawbacks. Tie each example to your point.
structure
Has a plan with introduction, body, and conclusion
content
Includes examples of real situations
content
Discusses both sides, not just advantages
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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