IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The line graph shows the changes in the amount of visiters Art gallery, pavilion, pier and festival in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.

The line graph shows the changes in the amount of visiters Art gallery, pavilion, pier and festival in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.
This
Linking Words
 line graph
dipects
Correct your spelling
depicts
 the information about the visitors who visited the Brighton attractions, like
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 gallery,
Pavilion
Use synonyms
, Pier and Festivals between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 had the greatest ratio all over the years.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Pier graph fluctuated till 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Brighton's festival line remained constant with a minor downfall till 2010, at below 30%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 than 30% visitors
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 the
pavilion
Use synonyms
 in 1980,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 dramatically went up and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 50%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 1995.
It's
Use the right word
Its
show examples
 fraction
strated
Correct your spelling
started
decrease
Verb problem
to decrease
show examples
 and reached at the point 30%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2010.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, Art Gallery had the second highest ratio in 1980, after that it
also
Linking Words
 had a great downfall all over the years till 2010.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Pier's line
fluctuate
Correct subject-verb agreement
fluctuates
show examples
 in all the years. It became popular in public
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 20%
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 2010. Eventually,
tourest
Correct your spelling
tourists
 visit
Use synonyms
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
 more than the other places
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Brighton.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words pavilion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: