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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 graph depicts the information about the consumption of three kinds of meat in which
included
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
Chicken
Use synonyms
, Beef,
Lamp
Use the right word
lamb
show examples
 and
fish
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
European countries between 1979 and 2004. The measurements are given in
Grams
Use synonyms
 per person and per week.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption of
chicken
Use synonyms
 was high in all the
years
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Fish
Use synonyms
 had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 proportion from 1979 to 2004.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, people
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
 more
expenditures
Check wording
apply
show examples
on
purchase
Correct article usage
the purchase
show examples
 of
Chicken
Use synonyms
. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 has
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 lowest rate of
puchase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 in 1979, approximately 140
grams
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with a minor
fluctuation
Punctuation problem
fluctuation,
show examples
 it
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 its
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 and reached at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
highest point by 2004.
Similarly
Linking Words
,Beef was at the top at the
biginning
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of 1979, around 230
grams
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 experienced a rapid downfall all the
years
Use synonyms
 and
reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 nearly 100
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
sale
Use synonyms
 of
Fish
Use synonyms
 depicted the constant growth from 1979
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to 2004.
Fish
Use synonyms
 was the lower popular dish in European countries.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, Lamb went down their
sale
Use synonyms
 over the
years
Use synonyms
 from 1979 to 2004. It showed ups and
down
Replace the word
downs
show examples
its
Change preposition
in its
show examples
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
. Eventually,
Chicken
Use synonyms
 was the favourite meat of European society all over the
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chicken, fish, grams, years, sale with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "depicts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption trends
  • steady increase
  • most consumed meat
  • relatively stable
  • general decline
  • pronounced decline
  • over the years
  • throughout the period
  • depicts
  • span
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