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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative developments?

Nowadays, we are living in a developed culture
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we are adding more functions in our wedding ceremonies
Punctuation problem
, because
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because of
Change preposition
so
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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our expenses
are raised
Verb problem
have increased
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 and occasions have become bigger. In my perception, there are some reasons behind it ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 family gathering and serving different kinds of dishes, comparisons of weddings and showing off. From the first point of view, it is a fact that more people have big families, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they spend a lot of money on functions and invite their relatives, friends to weddings to enjoy and celebrate occasions together. Frequently, our traditions are developing , so
,
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apply
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 we add almost 3 to 5 types of dishes to our special food menu. In
last
Linking Words
, Shahveer famous Pakistani YouTuber and social media influencer, gathered his relatives and friends on his wedding
and
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, and
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 he spent almost 1 million cash on each function , which is considered to be an average expense.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some rich people have competition with each other. If anyone wants to show off that I have a better lifestyle and more property,
then
Linking Words
 he will need to do some big events with
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
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 environment and delicious food,
also
Linking Words
 he will rent a luxurious place where he will hold his wedding ceremony.
For instance
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, in recent years, Asian first richest person from India , Mr Ambani, held a wedding function for his son and invited world-famous and wealthy personalities ,
such
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 as, owner of Twitter, Instagram and
also
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 famous Punjabi, English and Hindi singers.
Furthermore
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, he paid each one more than 50 million dollars. To pen down all points I mentioned above, I would say, it is negative development we need to help needy people around us
Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
, instead
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 of wasting money on unnecessary functions

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task response
The essay has a clear idea that bigger weddings are linked to expense, but the argument is not fully developed. Expand each reason and connect them to the main point.
coherence
Improve flow by grouping ideas into clear parts: introduction, 2–3 body paragraphs with each main reason, and a short conclusion. Use simple linking words (and, also, but, because) to show the order.
task response
A clear position is stated: weddings are becoming bigger and more expensive, with negative view.
coherence
Examples from real people (Shahveer, Ambani) show that costs can be very high and are used to illustrate points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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