IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts give detailed information about the proportion of students who were offered to take different courses in the year 1985 and at present.

The pie charts give detailed information about the proportion of students who were offered to take different courses in the year 1985 and at present.
The pie charts give detailed information about the proportion of students who were offered to take different courses in the year 1985 and at present.
Overall
Linking Words
, learning modern
languages
Use synonyms
 was the most popular among the students in the past, followed by fitness and dance,
while
Linking Words
 the shares for music appreciation remained relatively low. In terms of
this
Linking Words
 year,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of participation in cookery has increased,
whereas
Linking Words
 figures for art and modern
languages
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 decreased. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that IT has caused courses of music appreciation and local history to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fall out of
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
. In 1985, modern
languages
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as French, German, and Spanish, held the dominance, making up 24%
attendance
Correct word order
apply
show examples
of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
.
Correct word order
attendance.
show examples
 It is followed by fitness and dance, at 22%, when percentages for art accounted for 17%. Meanwhile,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of participation in cookery and local history was almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 14% and 15% respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest share belonged to music appreciation, making up 8%. At present, IT has emerged as dominant, accounting for 27%. Figures for modern
languages
Use synonyms
 and art have declined to 17% and 15% in turn, when attendance in cookery has gone up to 19%.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of students who are taking part in fitness and dance courses has remained unchanged

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words languages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: