IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some
people
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 argue that unpaid
community
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service
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 is necessary for the education of high
school
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students
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. I firmly believe that
community
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service
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 is crucial for high
school
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students
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 and can bring some advantages
for
Change preposition
to
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society
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.
This
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 essay will explain why I agree with
this
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 perspective.
To begin
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 with, unpaid
community
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service
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 can significantly improve the
students
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’ ability to develop a variety of passions and teach them how to dedicate themselves to
society
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 effectively. The main reason is that
students
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 can gain a lot of knowledge which is not
tough
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taught
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 in
school
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 from the way of diversity
community
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service
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.
For example
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, some
students
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 go to a
community
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 to take care of single elderly
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 offers them a lot of opportunities to try out helping elderly
people
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 clean their environment and assisting
people
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 who can’t eat by themselves to acquire nutrition.
As a result
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, unpaid
community
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service
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 is a go-to way for
students
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 to explore new skills
such
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 as cleaning and taking care
elderly
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of elderly
show examples
people
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not offered, and it is essentially for personal and professional growth.
Furthermore
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, devoting time to
society
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, which benefits the entire
society
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 environment and personal social
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 is a vital point that modern
students
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 lack. The core reason is that nowadays
students
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 place more emphasis on personal entertainment
instead
Linking Words
 of
society
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 development.
However
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, if no person is dedicated to
others
Punctuation problem
others,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 will lead to a
society
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 that can't
stabilize
Change the spelling
stabilise
show examples
 growth, and it brings some drawbacks.
For instance
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, if nobody offers unpaid
service
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 in libraries, hospitals, and schools,
society
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 will lose the ability to give
people
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 a normal life.
People
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 can’t acquire knowledge, therapy, and skills. Because of
this
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, both
students
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 and
society
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 have
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 development. In conclusion, I strongly agree that unpaid
community
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service
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 should be a compulsory part of high
school
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 programmes
due to
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 the development of
society
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 and
students
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.

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tip
Make your view clear in the first line and restate it in the end.
tip
Use one main idea per paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence.
tip
Give more real and simple examples, and show how they help your point.
weakness
Keep sentences short. Use plain words and fix hard phrases.
tip
Check order of ideas. Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
strength
Clear stance in favour of the idea.
structure
Intro shows aim to explain why.
strength
Use of linking words like 'Furthermore' and 'In conclusion'.
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