IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004
The bar chart provides information about the amount of money spent on three different types of necessities among various age groups of individuals in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, young adults in the UK tend to spend more on restaurants and hotels,
while
Linking Words
old
Use the right word
older
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 people prefer spending money on food and drink,
in addition
Linking Words
 to entertaining activities. Individuals who are under 30, under 15% of their total spending has gone to restaurants and hotels,
while
Linking Words
 entertainment and spending on food and drink reached around 5%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 people aged 31-45 prioritise daily needs over restaurants by reaching above 15%, similar to entertainment, which constituted under 15% of the total expenditures.
However
Linking Words
, old individuals aged 46 to 60 have a preference to buy necessities,
in addition
Linking Words
 to entertaining activities, where both of them are estimated to be around 15%;
conversely
Linking Words
, for the bar of rented places of eateries .Corresponding people above 60 showed a similar pattern where they prioritised necessities and amusement over hotels and eateries.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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