IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents should encourage chuldren to soend less time in studies and more time in physical activities. To what extent do you agree?

It is important for the kids, actively involved in any kind of game which
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
. Some people claim that parents should encourage their child to focus more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 playing
in person
Use the right word
in-person
show examples
games
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. A game which
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 physical involvement
hepls
Correct your spelling
helps
 to improve physical and mental development. Running, skipping
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
others game
Fix the agreement mistake
other games
show examples
 increase physical fitness.
For example
Linking Words
, in football or
cricket
Use synonyms
 one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to practice running and it helps to
rise
Verb problem
build
show examples
mussle
Correct your spelling
muscle
 power, helps to heart pump better and good blood circulation, these are necessary for health improvement. Many
reasearch
Correct your spelling
studies
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 a child who
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 football
regularlly
Correct your spelling
regularly
 is
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
 than a child who does not play any physical
games
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, playing
games
Use synonyms
 regularly keeps
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 creative. One
study
Use synonyms
 done by Dhaka medical students where they
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 twenty people who were not used to
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 physical challenging
games
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
involve
Verb problem
participate
show examples
 in some
games
Use synonyms
 like
cricket
Use synonyms
, badminton and swimming for three months
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the result depicts that they
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more creative than previous. So, those are the benefits of physical activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the children who are less likely to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 physical
games
Use synonyms
 have less social bonding. Playing with other kids
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to make
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
 network, develop leadership and
team-work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
 capacity. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
Dhaka
Correct article usage
the Dhaka
show examples
tribune
Fix capitalization
Tribune
show examples
 published a
study
Use synonyms
 where a
study
Use synonyms
 was conducted to find how to develop leadership and communication quality. They took 100 children for the research where they put half of them to play
cricket
Use synonyms
 regularly and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
half
Check wording
apply
show examples
just focused on their
study
Use synonyms
. After six
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
,
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 exam was taken and
Correct article usage
the result
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
shows
Wrong verb form
showed that
show examples
 those who play
cricket
Use synonyms
 show
execilent
Correct your spelling
excellent
 communication and team management
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others were afraid of social interaction. In conclusion, physical activities
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to develop
chindrens
Correct your spelling
children's
 physical growth
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as good blood circulation and mental development
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 strong communication .
That is
Linking Words
 the reason I support children
should involve
Wrong verb form
being involved
show examples
 in different physical
games
Use synonyms
.

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language
Fix big spelling and grammar errors so ideas are clear.
structure
Start each part with a clear topic sentence and link your ideas to it.
content
Give strong evidence or examples that are easy to trust and explain.
structure
End with a short sum up that rest the view.
cohesion
Use link words to join ideas when you move from one part to the next.
content
The writer has a clear view kept over the essay.
structure
An effort is seen to plan with an intro, body and conclusion.
content
Some points show how exercise can help health and social skill.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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