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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
childcare
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centers
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centres
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 provide the best environment for pre-school
children
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,
while
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 others, especially working parents, believe that
grandparents
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 are better caregivers. I think the choice depends on several factors,
such
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 as parents’ financial situation, the health and availability of
grandparents
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. Personally, I believe that combining
both
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 options can offer the greatest benefits.
According to
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 government reports, the urban population increases every year, creating a higher demand for
childcare
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centers
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centres
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. Kindergartens are convenient for parents because they allow
both
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 spouses to work and earn income.
Moreover
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, professional educators can teach
children
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 how to communicate and behave in a group.
However
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, attending kindergartens can sometimes cause emotional stress for
children
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 at
first,
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as they need time to adapt to a new social environment. It may
also
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 expose them to infections
due to
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 frequent contact with other
children
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.
On the other hand
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, many families prefer to leave their
children
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 with
grandparents
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 because it saves money and allows the elderly to share their wisdom and life experience.
For instance
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, several studies suggest that
children
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 who spend time with
grandparents
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 often develop speech faster and feel emotionally secure.
Nevertheless
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, relying entirely on
grandparents
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 may weaken the bond between parents and their
children
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, as they spend less time together. In conclusion,
both
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childcare
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centers
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centres
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 and
grandparents
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 play an important role in raising
children
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. A balanced approach, where
children
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 attend
childcare
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centers
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centres
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 on weekdays and spend weekends with their
grandparents
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, seems to be the most beneficial solution for
both
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 families and
children
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.

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content
Add more real facts or clear examples to back ideas from both sides.
structure
Put a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph and keep ideas in a neat order.
style
Use more simple words and mix long and short sentences so the read is easy.
grammar
Check small grammar and keep verb tense the same.
content
Balance the two views more and restate your view in the end.
structure
Clear view in the intro and the end.
content
Good balance of good sides of both options.
cohesion
Reason how each choice can help a family.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childcare centers
  • pre-school age
  • structured curricula
  • trained professionals
  • cognitive skills
  • social skills
  • interaction
  • sharing
  • teamwork
  • nurturing
  • personalized care
  • emotional security
  • attachment
  • one-on-one attention
  • emotional development
  • sense of belonging
  • work-life balance
  • consistent routine
  • flexibility
  • adapt to needs
  • learning experiences
  • academic skills
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