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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Teachers are more important than technology in modern education. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that nowadays people use many ways to study, either traditional learning or technological devices.
While
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 it is commonly held
belief
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that teaching with teachers is more valuable than taking
information
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 from technology, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that we can use both methods to improve our education skills
,
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;
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 each method has some advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, the old method of now new
information
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 face-to-face with a tutor, has many benefits,
for example
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, explaining and repeating every data the student can not understand, and discus the subject with the teacher or with the team.
In addition
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, some individuals can not understand from online courses
,
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 and need help to spell and read every concept to get it,
such
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 as kids or older people.
Otherwise
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,
this
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 way needs effort to get a lot of ideas quickly and apply them in the exam. Another point to consider, today, modern education has a new direction to cover any other ways. It is possible to say that
this
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 new way has good and bad sides for students. On the positive side: everyone can attend the lecture from anywhere at any
time
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, connecting with the teacher and team online in dangerous situations like dusty or rainy days, and read a lot of
information
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 in a short
time
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. On the drawbacks side, these modern items need to be connected to WIFI always.
Moreover
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, spending a long
time
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 in front of the screen causes pain in the back and loss of focus. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that mixing different strategies to get
information
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 at the right
time
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 and transferring it correctly to others is the goal of
this
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 question.

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task
State a clear opinion in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
task
Give a few specific examples or evidence to support points.
coherence
Improve paragraph order: start with a view on both sides, then give your stance.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly (for example, however, in addition).
grammar
Use correct grammar and sentence structure; avoid long run-on sentences.
content
There is a clear attempt to compare old and new study methods.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
content
Ideas about mixing methods show a balanced view.
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