IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that parents should places restrictions on the hours their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. Do you agree or disagree?

What impact parents should have on the way their
children
Use synonyms
 spend
time
Use synonyms
-
Punctuation problem
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is a controversial question. Especially nowadays, since the invention of digital technologies led to
Correct article usage
an epidemy
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epidemy
Use the right word
epidemic
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 of internet-addicted kids,
while
Linking Words
 they could
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 that
time
Use synonyms
 reading books and develop their
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
. I am concerned that parents are responsible for their
children
Use synonyms
's activities, at least till they reach
teenage
Correct pronoun usage
their teenage
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 years.
There's
Verb problem
There
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 a plenty of reasons for that. I should start
with
Change preposition
by
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 saying that childhood is a special
time
Use synonyms
 when all the main habits for
future
Correct article usage
a future
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 lifetime are set. So
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 need to
seed
Verb problem
instil
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 in
Correct article usage
the kid
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kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 only beneficial habits that
going
Verb problem
are going
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 to help in
live
Replace the word
life
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. One of them is, undoubtedly, reading. When individuals
used
Verb problem
are used
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 to reading from the
cradle
Punctuation problem
cradle,
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 it's going to be easier for them in school and university.
Moreover
Linking Words
, since reading
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 critical thinking and ability to analyse, they will
suceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in their work. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that spending
to
Use the right word
too
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 much
time
Use synonyms
 with
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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 is harmful, especially for
children
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. It develops not only problems with the
overall
Linking Words
 organism's health, but
mental
Rephrase
also mental
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 problems
as well
Rephrase
apply
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.
Correct article usage
The Interenet
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Interenet
Correct your spelling
Internet
 influences
on
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apply
show examples
young kids much more than it does
on
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apply
show examples
adults. Seeing some cruel content in
this
Linking Words
 age will lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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big trouble.
That is
Linking Words
 why
i
Fix capitalization
I
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velieve
Correct your spelling
believe
 parents should have control
after
Change preposition
over
show examples
 how
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
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time
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
 spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the net.

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weakness
Task response: Your view is not clearly tied to the question. Say if you agree or not in the first line and then give 3 clear reasons.
recommendation
Task response: Give more depth with simple facts or examples to back each point.
recommendation
Coherence and cohesion: Put your ideas in a clear order. Use paragraphs with one main idea each.
recommendation
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words like first, next, also, but, finally to show how ideas are connected.
strength
You talk about reading as a good habit and the harm of too much screen.
strength
You keep the idea that parents have a role in a child’s life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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