IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government spending on the restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. To what extent do you agree?

There is no denying the fact that historical buildings play a vital role in providing people with a picture of their history.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that nations
expensing
Use the right word
expending
show examples
 on old places should be prohibited, there is
also
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 an argument that
this
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 money should
disburse
Wrong verb form
be disbursed
show examples
 on infrastructure projects rather than antique places.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view, followed by my own opinion. On one hand, the
regimes
Check wording
regimes'
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 concern about their old
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
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due to
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 several reasons, like the tourist field.
In other words
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,
this
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 field
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a new generation with a high culture about their
ancestries
Replace the word
ancestors
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,
reveal
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveals
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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some
emotionally
Replace the word
emotional
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 events and memories
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a crucial role in fostering the economic system.
Therefore
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, the distinct systems are
interests
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in
this
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 trend
due to
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emotionally
Replace the word
emotional
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 and
financially
Replace the word
financial
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 factors
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, some individuals resist
this
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 idea, and they think that
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 funds should
investment
Wrong verb form
be invested
show examples
 in other aspects, which can improve the quality of life.
Such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the education programs and the transportation networks. In recent years, all countries have
Verb problem
shown interested
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interested
Replace the word
interest
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about
Change preposition
in
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 their citizens.
Moreover
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, they spend significant effort to provide them with a decent life.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
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that unions should
attention
Verb problem
pay attention
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in
Change preposition
to
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 social projects and charity business.
In addition
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, they must enhance the public services, and improve the healthcare and goodness of safety and education,
with maintain
Change preposition
while maintaining
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the maintenance and renovation of the old residences. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question, but I tend to believe that authorities should give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the population's
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 rather than ancient homes.

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task response
Make your position clear earlier in the essay and restate it in the conclusion. Also answer the task directly in every paragraph.
coherence
Improve flow by clear topic sentences for each paragraph and use linking words to connect ideas. Keep one main idea per paragraph.
content
The essay tries to discuss two sides of the issue.
task response
The writer ends with a clear personal view.
organization
Some reasons are given to support points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • historical value
  • architectural value
  • tourism boost
  • economic benefits
  • sustainability
  • job creation
  • property values
  • urban development
  • traffic congestion
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • fund allocation
  • modern needs
  • restoration
  • preservation
What to do next:
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