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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 and bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrate information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 the number of
students
Use synonyms
. 
Overall
Linking Words
, the most
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 of dance classes are privet
studios
Use synonyms
 and the lowest are college-based
studios
Use synonyms
. The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the number of
students
Use synonyms
 by age group. The ballet includes the highest number of
under 11
Use the right word
under-11
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 modern includes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more 11-16
students
Use synonyms
. 
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand, in the pie
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 the private
studios
Use synonyms
 take up 48% which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the
higher
Replace the word
highest
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Punctuation problem
Moreover,
show examples
 community halls & other accounts for 18%. The college-based
studios
Use synonyms
 take 10% that are the lowest. The school halls are 24% location of dance classes. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the par
chart
Use synonyms
 talks about the types
comber
Use the right word
combined
show examples
 to the age group which are under 11, and from 11 to 16. The ballet includes about 600
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are less than 11,
while
Linking Words
 300
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
between
Verb problem
are between
show examples
 11-16. The tap
students
Use synonyms
 are similar
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in modern the
students
Use synonyms
 from 11-16
higher
Verb problem
are higher
show examples
 than
these
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 under 11 by approximately 200
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, students, studios with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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