IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about what the happiest phase of life is.
While
Linking Words
 some highlight that
this
Linking Words
 period occurs during adolescence, others believe that adulthood brings greater comfort and
happiness
Use synonyms
 despite having more responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before giving a personal view. A key argument in favour of the teenage years is that they provide freedom and are free from major responsibility. Adolescents do not have to worry about family matters or earning a living to meet basic needs. They have more time to focus on themselves, including studies, explore various hobbies, and hang out with their friends.
This
Linking Words
 generally leads to a less stressful lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, a 2022 survey of high school students in Canada found that 62% described their teenage years as a highly enjoyable period and wished it could
last
Linking Words
 longer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advocates of adult life claim that
this
Linking Words
 stage offers deeper forms of
happiness
Use synonyms
. Adults have bigger responsibilities on their shoulders, yet these come with valuable incentives,
such
Linking Words
 as financial independence and personal achievement in different domains of life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is human nature to feel a sense of
happiness
Use synonyms
 and self-worth when entrusted with important duties. Studies conducted in Jakarta show that working mothers often feel greater satisfaction if they are able to complete office work without neglecting their role as mothers. Even when parents simply witness their children growing up healthy, it makes them fulfilled and grateful. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 teenagers experience happy moments through freedom and personal exploration, mature people find joy in fulfilment and meaningful relationships. In my opinion, both stages can be equally happy, and the source of
happiness
Use synonyms
 changes over time as individuals have different priorities and perspectives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Task response: You addressed both sides and gave your view. To improve, state your position more clearly in the intro and link each idea to the question.
structure
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear linking words to show contrast and add more signpost language (first, however, finally). Make paragraphs shorter with one idea each.
language
Language: Use simple and precise words. Check for small errors in grammar.
content
Clear view given at the end; balanced discussion of both sides.
evidence
Good use of real examples (Canada and Jakarta) as evidence.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: