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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the bar chart shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time and part-time summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the bar chart shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time and part-time summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The bar chart compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of students who studied
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and part-
time
Use synonyms
 in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in Britain
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. In general, the majority of learners were studying
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 three periods. It differs from students who took
full-
Use the right word
full-time education
show examples
time
Use synonyms
-
education
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, show
show examples
show
Replace the word
showing
show examples
 far
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer numbers
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 for both genders. The period of 1970/70 was the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who took
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 nearly 800.000
people
Use synonyms
 in
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
, around one
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. The rate increased slightly in 1980/81 and reached the highest level in 1990/91, the
women
Use synonyms
 in full-
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 had risen to more than 200.000
people
Use synonyms
 and
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the part-
time
Use synonyms
 learners
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 over 200.000. During the period of 1970/
71
Punctuation problem
71,
show examples
 the
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 studied in part-
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 reached
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest
number
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one million
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
, in the same period was the
lowest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 who took part-
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. In 1990/91 was the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 who studied part-
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 for more than 200.000
people
Use synonyms
, and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 who studied full-
time
Use synonyms
 was in 1980/81
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 more than 800.000
people
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, time, education, men, women, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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