IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extend to do you agree or disagree ?

It is undeniable that most of the
company
Use synonyms
's CEO and directors are often senior
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
,
while
Linking Words
 some dissenting voice argues that youth
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more
potiential
Correct your spelling
potential
 to lead the
company
Use synonyms
. I, for one, largely disagree with the
view points
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viewpoints
show examples
 because older
people
Use synonyms
 have more expertise
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 handling
people
Use synonyms
 in the
organisation
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 and
problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
 skills through experience,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would support my standpoint.
The first
Correct determiner usage
First
show examples
 and foremost, older
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
posses
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possess
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decades of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
, which is essential for managing a group of team members in the
company
Use synonyms
. The leaders in the
organisation
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 often
reflects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
those
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who can effectively manage the employees and
tackles
Correct subject-verb agreement
tackle
show examples
 the ups and downs
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ungoing
Correct your spelling
ongoing
 projects so that the
company
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 achieve their major milestones in a given timeframe, is a prime example. Experienced
people
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,
therefore
Linking Words
, in the
company
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 can handle both
people
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 and responsibility, which is crucial for the
company
Use synonyms
's growth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a saying that ' wisdom comes from ageing '. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 older, the more life lessons
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 they
acquires
Correct subject-verb agreement
acquire
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 can be beneficial for
decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 and solving complex problems in the
organisation
Use synonyms
. That's why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 most of the
fortune
Fix capitalization
Fortune
show examples
 500
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
CEO who are above the age of 50, who can give directions based on accurate
decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 capabilities and
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also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 able to solve
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 based on
real life
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real-life
show examples
 examples.
Consquently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, senior
people
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 can be an asset for the
expontential
Correct your spelling
exponential
 growth
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
company
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 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that youth are full of beans and they could grasp new technology and skillsets
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 pace.
This
Linking Words
 gives an extra edge to climb quickly on the ladder of the cooperate world. That said, Big
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
runs
Correct subject-verb agreement
run
show examples
on team integrity and cooperation of workers, which comes
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 experience.
Hence
Linking Words
,
fresher
Correct article usage
a fresher
show examples
 could lack the interpersonal skills that would be required to lead the
organisation
Use synonyms
 in a better way.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 needs a leader
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who is capable of managing
people
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 and
to mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigating
show examples
 the risk during the project milestone through
decision making
Use the right word
decision-making
show examples
 and
problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 skills. I believe older
people
Use synonyms
 could manage the role of leaders much better than young employees because of
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
 and wisdom they possess.

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task
Plan your writing with a clear plan: state your view, give two strong reasons, and finish with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use correct grammar and spell more to help readers know your point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are linked. Start with a clear topic for each paragraph.
organization
Make each paragraph keep to one main idea and begin with a short sentence that states it.
content
Give real examples or numbers when you can to show your point better.
content
You show a clear view on the issue.
coherence
You use some linking words to move from one idea to another.
content
You give an example about large firms to support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wealth of experience
  • Historical knowledge
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative ideas
  • Adaptability
  • Technological advancements
  • Team cohesion
  • Morale
  • Calculated risks
  • Significant advancements
  • Mentorship
  • Transfer of knowledge
  • Energy and drive
  • Refined decision-making skills
  • Younger workforce
  • Leadership development
  • Organizational dynamics
  • Risk-taking mindset
  • Change management
  • Intergenerational collaboration
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