IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates average yearly rentals and
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 of various formats of films in a specific store over a
9
Use the right word
9-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
time-period
Use the right word
time period
show examples
 ( 2002-2011).
Overall
Linking Words
, Rentals was the highly
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 option in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
 periods;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it saw a sharp drop in figures till the end of the time period.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the sales of
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
 rose
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 over the years.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the sales figures for VHS and
BLu-ray forms
Use the right word
Blu-ray formats
show examples
 were inconsistent and lower compared to the others. Rentals recorded
highest
Correct pronoun usage
their highest
show examples
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was more than 150,000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 dropped significantly to almost 50,000 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2011.
However
Linking Words
, there was a sharp increase in the number of DVDs that were sold from 2002 to 2011. 50,000
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
 were sold in 2000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 increased
upto
Use the right word
to
show examples
 200,000 in 2011. Meanwhile,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 sales for VHS
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 100,000 in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
 years
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 declined to less than 20,000 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2005,
afterwhich
Correct your spelling
after which
 its
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 discontinued. A similar trend was followed by
Blu-ray
Punctuation problem
Blu-ray,
show examples
 whose
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 consistently low
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 a figure less than 50,000 starting the
year
Use synonyms
 2007
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 2011
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 no
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2006.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sale, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: