IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Access to computers has increased rapidly today, so the number of children playing computer games has risen too. This essay will discuss the main issue associated with this situation and propose some possible solutions to avoid them.

Video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 nowadays are exciting for
children
Use synonyms
, even for young people. In my opinion, allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 without parental control can lead to serious problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a lot of negative effects have appeared for
parents
Use synonyms
, like obesity
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and poor academic performance.
Children
Use synonyms
 are addicted to
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they typically spend four to six hours per day on their computers. Many
parents
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 fail to
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 the potential problems caused by gaming
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 computers with
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, but after some time, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 will have a big impact
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as health consequences and bad results at schools. One major issue is
sitting
Correct word choice
that sitting
show examples
 hours playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 leads to eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, and
consequently
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 may suffer from obesity, diabetes, or heart disease because of many factors
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as no
movements
Fix the agreement mistake
movement
show examples
 or sports for
children
Use synonyms
 and eating a lot of junk
food
Use synonyms
 and sweets. Despite some
children
Use synonyms
 having a fit shape, that does not mean they have excellent health. Another issue is that the
children
Use synonyms
 who are addicted to
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 often struggle
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
apply
show examples
are not studying at home or working on their homework. So, the
parents
Use synonyms
 can sense
this
Linking Words
 after some time
once
Punctuation problem
, once
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 have low marks in their exams and so on. If the
parents
Use synonyms
 do not act fast, the
children
Use synonyms
 will be in trouble.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
parents
Use synonyms
 should control the use of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and timing,
such
Linking Words
 as allowing it just for two hours at weekends, as well
prevent
Wrong verb form
as preventing
show examples
 any gaming during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school days.
Secondly
Linking Words
, monitor their
children
Use synonyms
’s diet and
food
Use synonyms
 choices.
Finally
Linking Words
, I recommend
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 must check their
children
Use synonyms
's health, their
food
Use synonyms
, and their education results regularly. In conclusion,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are dangerous for
children
Use synonyms
, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in serious issues.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
 for playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, and monitoring
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 and education of the
children
Use synonyms
 are essential for solving it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Make each main idea clear and add one simple example for each idea.
language
Use short, plain sentences. If a sentence is long, break it into two.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like first, next, also, and finally.
grammar
Check spell and grammar so the meaning is easy to follow.
content
The essay shows the problem and how to solve it.
structure
There are clear link words to move from one idea to the next.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: