IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagrams below provide key information
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 change of place at
west park secondary school
Fix capitalization
West Park Secondary School
show examples
 from 1950 to 2010.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 items
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
appeared in
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
.
there
Fix capitalization
There
show examples
 were
include
Verb problem
apply
show examples
8 items
Verb problem
included, main
show examples
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 main road, houses, farmland, school, playground, sports field, car park and science block.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
changes
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 observed in 2010 and
1950
Punctuation problem
1950,
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while
Linking Words
 the lowest
changes
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 observed in 1980. On the one hand,
according to
Linking Words
 the given data, in terms of the highest
changes
Use synonyms
, there are several
changes
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and 1950
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left side, the houses and farmland were deleted rapidly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the school and playground remain constant.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the given data, in terms of the lowest
changes
Use synonyms
, there are major
changes
Use synonyms
 in 1989, at the lower side of the garden, the sports field was added ,at almost down left side.
However
Linking Words
,
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
 block was added
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the west
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the playground remained constant.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words changes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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