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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below give information about Favorite Pastimes in different countries.

The table below give information about Favorite Pastimes in different countries.
The table chart provides data about the most
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 activity in a variety of countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, TV and
Hobbies
Use synonyms
took
Verb problem
apply
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have been chosen as the most determined activity in Canada, Australia, and the USA.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 England,
Korea
Use synonyms
,
China
Use synonyms
, and Japan people
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 reading over everything else.
Canadian
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Canadians
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,
Australian
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Australians
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, and
American
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Americans
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 tend more toward watching TV
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 over 60
Use synonyms
persons
Check wording
per cent of people
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 aged 30 - 50
chose
Wrong verb form
choosing
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 it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 like
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 in
such
Linking Words
 countries
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ranked after TV
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 an average of 25
Use synonyms
persons
Check wording
people
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 prone to it. Without mentioning
hobbies
Use synonyms
 as
pastime
Correct article usage
a pastime
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event
Punctuation problem
event,
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 where it accounted for 40
persons
Use synonyms
 in Canada, and 45 , 42 in Australia and
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 US
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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.
However
Linking Words
, east asian countries
such
Linking Words
 as
China
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, Japan, and
Korea
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 lean toward theoretical events, like reading and
hobbies
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. Japan estimated around 64 individuals
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 reading,
while
Linking Words
 around 60
persons
Use synonyms
 in
Korea
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
China
Use synonyms
 chose it.
However
Linking Words
,
hobbies
Use synonyms
considered
Verb problem
are considered
show examples
 a popular pastime in
China
Use synonyms
, as around 50
opted
Check wording
people opted
show examples
 for it. Similar to
Use synonyms
Korea
Punctuation problem
Korea,
show examples
 where it has around 45
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferred
hobbies
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, such, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hobbies, korea, china, persons with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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