IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Educational institutions in numerous countries are struggling with significant
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 problems among
students
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because many people's
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is being negatively influenced by social media. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, it is necessary to send
students
Use synonyms
 to special
schools
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, in the modern world,
students
Use synonyms
 use their phones too much. Nowadays, many parents are too weak-willed when it comes to their children and allow them to do whatever they want.
In addition
Linking Words
, children's mobile phones are not under the supervision of their parents, so children can watch various videos on them, including those of a violent nature.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some
schools
Use synonyms
, there are
students
Use synonyms
 who do not listen to their teachers or may bully their classmates, and even scare them and demand all sorts of things or money from them. Sometimes it gets to the point where they end up in a juvenile detention
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all of these problems may be solved with special
schools
Use synonyms
. In these
schools
Use synonyms
, many teachers concentrate on
students
Use synonyms
’
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, which helps them improve it. Special attention is paid to
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 correction, and rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 offer comprehensive programs for adolescents with
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 and psychological difficulties, including addiction. They provide a comprehensive approach, including psychological, educational, and medical assistance, which is more typical of rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. In these
schools
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 will continue to receive education, and at that
moment
Punctuation problem
moment,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 will fix their
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, the major factor of
students
Use synonyms
’ bad
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is social media, and the solution for
this
Linking Words
 is special
schools
Use synonyms
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 can improve their
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and character.
This
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
 help them build a good life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan more before writing: make a short plan with your main ideas and how they link to each other.
coherence
Use clear links between parts: first, next, but, also, for example to show how ideas fit.
task
Answer both parts well: say what causes the bad behaviour and why the solution will help, with more facts or proof.
examples
Give more real examples and not too many general ideas.
language
Check grammar and word choice so the writing is easy to read and errors do not stop meaning.
content
The essay has a clear main aim and a view on the topic.
structure
There is a conclusion that sums up the idea.
language
The use of ‘On the one hand’ and ‘On the other hand’ shows an attempt to use sign posts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: