IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In recent many
people
Use synonyms
 experience that the distance between them is closer
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology, still some of them feel they are isolated from others with the same caution. It is commonly thought that the development of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 raises the speed of
interacting
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
 between individuals, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 the world to network.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 phones
also
Linking Words
 took
the
Rephrase
away the
show examples
 chance
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them to talk
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both perspectives before presenting my opinion. In detail,
recent
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 live in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 environment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 where they can easily interact
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other than before. Since
messaging
Correct article usage
the messaging
show examples
 system is activated, they do not need to wait a long time for getting reply, not like
letter
Correct article usage
the letter
show examples
 era.
For example
Linking Words
, our ancestors had to wait more than a week for getting answer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a previous letter, but now it does not take even one minute to check messages and reply
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 perspective, the interaction among individuals in the world is active, which results
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
in people
show examples
collected
Verb problem
being collected
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the drawback of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital technology, which makes
people
Use synonyms
 addicted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
people
Verb problem
makes people
show examples
 reluctant to talk together, and try to live lonely lives.
In addition
Linking Words
,
today
Check wording
today's
show examples
 generations do not think that spending their time with families is
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential and it does not have any worth.
Instead
Linking Words
 of it, they prefer to play games or watch videos on their phones.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 study, the time for using mobiles daily is significantly longer than that for sharing a day with families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, subjects didn’t feel weird, even if they didn’t interact with anyone in a day, if they
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 enough.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the
internet
Use synonyms
 is replacing
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
.

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task response
Add a clear plan at the start. Say you will look at both views and give your own view at the end.
coherence
Use stronger link words to join ideas. Use words like first, also, but, however, and for example.
task response
Finish with a clear opinion in one simple sentence.
strength
The writer tries to show both sides.
strength
The essay uses real examples like fast message time.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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