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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that a good solution to the homeless problem is to give the homeless people money. Others think that that money is not the answer and that helping them find a job is a better option. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

People
Use synonyms
 have contrasting views about the homeless problem.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that a good
solution
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the homeless
to
Verb problem
is to
show examples
 give
ithem
Correct your spelling
them
 money, Others argue that money is not the wisest
solution
Use synonyms
 for the homeless. They believe that finding a job is a better option. Personally, I believe that finding a job is the most effective
solution
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who think of giving the homeless cash believe that it meets daily needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, food to give them energy
water
Punctuation problem
, water
show examples
 as well and Clothes to cover themselves and save their bodies from cold weather.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 believe that focusing on meeting the homeless's needs by giving them money. That will help them find safety because their life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 miserable.
In contrast
Linking Words
, others ( including myself) think that helping the homeless
people
Use synonyms
 to get a proper job is the most effective
solution
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. The reason is that to make them feel the responsibility, and dependence on themselvesfurther supports
this
Linking Words
 view.
Therefore
Linking Words
, homeless
people
Use synonyms
 should upgrade their lives and develop their skills and education. That’s the way to make their life better and more secure. In conclusion, both arguments are valid to some extent, yet I believe that work should be the first
solution
Use synonyms
 to save homeless
people
Use synonyms
's lives from risk and poverty.

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structure
Use a clear plan: intro with your view, two body parts for each side, and a clear ending.
cohesion
Use linking words to show contrast and result, such as 'but', 'also', 'therefore' to connect ideas.
examples
Give more exact and simple examples to back up your ideas.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar to fix small mistakes.
content
You state your own view in the last line.
organization
You discuss both sides.
cohesion
You use sign posts like 'On the one hand' and 'In contrast'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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