IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the developed countries, consumers can go to supermarket buy food all over the world. What do you think it is positive or negative development

Nowadays, locals from
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 are migrating to cities because of facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 hospitals to aid. Despite
this
Linking Words
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 some still prefer to live in backward areas. From my perception, developed sides can be more beneficial for us. I discussed both views below.
According to
Linking Words
 the first perspective, some locals always prefer to live in
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
show examples
 region because in some hospitals
free
Punctuation problem
, free
show examples
 treatment
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 provided by
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 department there. Patients can go
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 within minutes and take medicines free of cost.
For example
Linking Words
, Govt medical hospitals in Pakistan provide free treatment for
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 community.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 sectors play
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
show examples
 role in these areas. In cities, scholarships for brilliant students are provided by higher
education
Use synonyms
 authorities. Pupils can travel to schools by transportation
particularly
Punctuation problem
, particularly
show examples
 by buses,car and bike
within
Punctuation problem
, within
show examples
 minutes. Professional teachers are available there who are very cooperative with children. From the recent survey,
education
Use synonyms
 sectors in New York are considered to be on
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world
Check wording
world's
show examples
 top 4 list by
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 authority.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some societies prefer to live in rural
sides
Check wording
areas
show examples
 of
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
. There are big factories and industries which are polluting the environment with dangerous gases. These harmful gases are polluting oxygen
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
becomes
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative effects on living organisms. Even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 can lead to
death bed
Use the right word
deathbed
show examples
. Steve McQueen, a legendary actor known as the "King of Cool," died of mesothelioma.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
 some people like nature.
villagers
Fix capitalization
Villagers
show examples
 have green lands with
mesmerizing
Change the spelling
mesmerising
show examples
 beauty. Different crops are harvested by farmers there
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
also they
Correct word order
they also
show examples
 have water turbines. These things can help them mentally and physically. Famous Punjabi singer, Sidu
moosa
Fix capitalization
Moosa Wala
show examples
wala
Punctuation problem
wala,
show examples
 was
resident
Correct article usage
a resident
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his village. In conclusion, from all the points I mentioned above, I would say that there are more advantages to living in developed cities. If we just take care of environmental issues and
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 some societies
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
manage population,
then
Linking Words
 it will become the best life in developed regions.

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improvement
Your essay gives both sides, but the ideas are not well held up. Add one or two clear facts that back each point.
improvement
Use a simple plan. One idea per paragraph with a short topic line to show what you will say.
improvement
Make links between ideas. Use
improvement
Check spelling and form. Short, easy sentences are better than long ones.
improvement
In the end, restate your view and give a small closing thought.
structure
Clear plan with an intro, two body parts and a close.
content
There are some good examples about schools and health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
What to do next:
Look at other essays: