IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, children and teenagers spend a large amount of their time indoors. Why is this happening? What can be done about it?

Nowadays, children and teenagers are spending a large amount of their
time
Use synonyms
 indoors. In my opinion, the main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is online
entertainment
Use synonyms
, as it provides an easy way for dealing with boredom, and a good solution would be to find an alternative that encourages students
spend
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 outdoors. I believe that the causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a large use of gadgets, social
media
Use synonyms
 and games. Almost everybody has a phone that provides easy access to social
media
Use synonyms
. When people feel bored,
this
Linking Words
 is one of the quickest solutions that requires no effort.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many apps are designed in a way that encourages individuals to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as much as possible, which means that students with bad
time
Use synonyms
-management skills waste a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on digital
entertainment
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of doing activities outside.
Moreover
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 allows virtual communication, reducing the need
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 real-life meetings. I think that the best way of addressing
this
Linking Words
 issue is
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
 social events, because they are an interesting alternative to online
entertainment
Use synonyms
. It is not only a good solution for boredom, but
also
Linking Words
 satisfies
teenager’s
Check wording
teenagers’
show examples
 needs in spending
time
Use synonyms
 outdoors and
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 in person.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, parents and teachers should explain
children
Change preposition
to children
show examples
 the importance of having offline friends and
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of spending
time
Use synonyms
 outdoors, as it could lead to positive changes in their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 indoors is a serious problem among young people, which, in my opinion, is caused mostly by social
media
Use synonyms
, games and other digital
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be reduced by
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
 events that would motivate children
spend
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 outside and explaining
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 the importance of
this
Linking Words
.

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task-response
Make your answer full. Give a clear plan with causes and a fix. Use one plan and stay with it.
cohesion
Use a good flow. Put ideas in a clear order. Use linking words such as and, but, so.
grammar
Fix grammar. Check verb form with plural nouns. Use are with causes. Use to spend.
lexical
Use small words. Do not use long or hard words. Give simple example.
structure
The essay has a clear start and end with a simple view.
cohesion
It uses some words to join ideas and keep to the topic.
content
It gives a plan to fix the problem with events and talks.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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