IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern world, the issue of whether
museums
Use synonyms
 should
charge
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 for
admission
Use synonyms
 has attracted the public's attention. Some people champion that the
museums
Use synonyms
 should be
free
Punctuation problem
free,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others posit
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
 should
charge
Use synonyms
 the
visitors
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it's proper for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
thoughts
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 degree. For those who disagree with the
museums
Use synonyms
to
Wrong verb form
charging
show examples
charge
Use synonyms
. I can absolutely understand their
thoughts
Use synonyms
. They may point out that the
museums
Use synonyms
 are public
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
, like parks and libraries,
while
Linking Words
 most parks and libraries are free. So the government should take the same initiative on
museums
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, some individuals may think the citizens are all taxpayers and the
museums
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 built with the money they had spent on
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
, so the
museums
Use synonyms
 should be free for them. These
thoughts
Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
 make sense. Despite
recognizing
Change the spelling
recognising
show examples
 the
thoughts
Use synonyms
 for the
museums
Use synonyms
 to be free to
visitors
Use synonyms
, I can
also
Linking Words
 understand
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others' reasons for the
museums
Use synonyms
 to
charge
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 for
admission
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the
museums
Use synonyms
 are special public places. They may contain a lot of
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 which may
symbolize
Change the spelling
symbolise
show examples
 a whole country's culture and history, like the Louvre and the Palace Museum. These
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 in
museums
Use synonyms
 can't be easily valued with money, so it's proper to
charge
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 for
admission
Use synonyms
. I think the
admission
Use synonyms
 is a method for the
visitors
Use synonyms
 to show respect to the spirit behind the
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
. In conclusion, I think
both
Use synonyms
 of the
thoughts
Use synonyms
 make sense, so we need to find a balance to show
both
Use synonyms
 our respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the culture and give welfare to the citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

overall guidance
The essay shows both sides, but your view is not clear. State a clear position in one line at the end.
language and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'therefore' to lead the reader.
content
Give more strong and simple reasons for your view. Support them with short, easy examples.
language
Check grammar and spelling to avoid small errors that make meaning hard to see.
task
You do give both sides and a view.
content
You name real places as examples (Louvre, Palace Museum).
structure
You end with a call to balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: