IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food, and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It has been
that
Verb problem
shown that
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 consuming fast
food
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 can lead to
health
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 issues.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that the solution to
this
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 problem is educating
people
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, others think that it will not work. In my opinion, informing
people
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 is not the best solution, as individuals usually understand the
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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 of junk
food
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 only after experiencing illness. Advocates of educating
people
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 argue that it helps
people
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 avoid consuming it. To be clear, when
people
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 are informed about the disadvantages of fast
food
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 and how it can be harmful to
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 bodies, they will not eat fast
food
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. Many
people
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 do not know the consequences of eating fast
food
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 if they learn about it in schools or universities, it will be highly beneficial for society.
For example
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, it has been confirmed that
people
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 who know about fast
food
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 deeply
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such
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, such
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 as
dietitians
Punctuation problem
dietitians,
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 will never eat
such
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kind
Check wording
apply
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of meal.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 there are several reasons why educating
people
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 will be ineffective, one of the main reasons is that
people
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 need
experience
Verb problem
to experience
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 it themselves.
This
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 means
,
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apply
show examples
people
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 will
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 the harm of fast
food
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 only when they develop
health
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 problems. Because
,
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apply
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 every package of cigarettes
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
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 that it is harmful for your
health
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, but many
people
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 continue to smoke
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. For these reasons, I strongly argue that promoting knowledge will not produce results. In conclusion,
although
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 providing education about fast
food
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 has benefits, personally, I think it will not operate properly because
people
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 usually understand the consequences of junk
food
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 only after suffering from
health
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 issues.

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structure
Plan what you will say. Open with a short line that shows your view. Then write two parts for the sides and one part for your own view.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea and one example or reason.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go together, like but, also, so, and therefore.
content
Give clear and real examples. Do not put weak or not true ideas as facts.
language
Check your grammar and use simple, correct sentences.
content
The essay shows two sides and the writer's own view.
structure
The writer gives reasons for each side.
content
Some ideas are easy to see and follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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