IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many
animals
Use synonyms
 are facing survival issues in the world. Some
people
Use synonyms
 propose that countries and residents should preserve
animals
Use synonyms
 and prevent
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 loss,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
consider
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
 should focus more on human beings. In my opinion, we should conserve
animals
Use synonyms
 because wildlife benefits are more than
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain both views.
People
Use synonyms
 should avoid allowing
animals
Use synonyms
 to
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
 extinct because it helps
ecological
Correct article usage
the ecological
show examples
 balance.
Animals
Use synonyms
 dying out will let our
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 cut down biodiversity.That means it will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 daily life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as food supply
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, bees play an important role
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 pollinators
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 our environment
plants
Check wording
apply
show examples
reproduce and
also
Linking Words
 they
manufacturer
Replace the word
manufacture
show examples
 honey, which
valuable
Verb problem
is valuable
show examples
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. If bees are going to be dying
out
Punctuation problem
out,
show examples
 it will damage our ecosystem.
Thus
Linking Words
, we should establish rules related to conserved wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and maintain our surrounding sustainable development. On the one hand,to
impair
Verb problem
acquire
show examples
 knowledge
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 public needs to spend plenty of resources. Education for humans needs to spend a lot of money.When residents are not aware that they should conserve their
planet
Punctuation problem
planet,
show examples
 it will allow our environment to be dangerous.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, universal education should be improved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it will help
people
Use synonyms
 to be aware that environmental harm is important, which is related to our features.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, public education is an important issue, which can improve human
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 awareness;
additionally
Linking Words
, it will help wild
animals
Use synonyms
 not to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction. In conclusion, both points of view are crucial
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I believe that to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 harm from
animals
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
positive
Punctuation problem
positive,
show examples
 sustainable development.

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task
Make a clear plan with an intro, two body parts, and a short end.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'in conclusion'.
content
Give real proof or example for each idea.
language
Fix grammar and spelling. Short sentences help.
style
Use simple words and a steady tone.
structure
The essay shows an opinion in the first part.
balance
It talks about both sides of the view.
example
There is an example about bees.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: