IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

An
Correct article usage
A
show examples
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people agree that the satisfaction of their
Use synonyms
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
 is more efficient than the security one,
while
Linking Words
 others
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 a stable
Use synonyms
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
 is more valuable than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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comfort. From my point of view, it is very important to love what you do.
Mainly
Punctuation problem
Mainly,
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 everyone
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 only for the money, but a secure place where you go to every day might be more meaningful.
This
Linking Words
 essay will contain both points of view. One positive argument is that a permanent
job
Use synonyms
 can bring out more beneficial points.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having the opportunity to go to sleep
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
 that you are able to afford everything you want.
As well as
Linking Words
 the
acomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 brings a stable
job
Use synonyms
 may be less
stresful
Correct your spelling
stressful
 when adult life really starts.
For example
Linking Words
:
Imagine
Fix capitalization
imagine
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 being 33 years old, with a loving family and a great
job
Use synonyms
 that makes you more independent and developed in your
carear
Correct your spelling
career
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, one negative trend is living for the moment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is known that many young adults tend to reach out
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
extravegant
Correct your spelling
extravagant
 and unusual places to
work
Use synonyms
 at, which
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 the
moment
Punctuation problem
moment,
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 sounds great.
However
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,
this
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 comes with
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 because time gets past and looking at the future you see more
responsabilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 and
problemes
Use the right word
problems
show examples
 that appear
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 life.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
bening
Correct your spelling
being
 satisfied
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 cost you time spent on stupid things at a certain
age
Punctuation problem
age,
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where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 you should have looked out for other things
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as children or marriages. To summarise, when the
Job
Use synonyms
 field comes
up
Punctuation problem
up,
show examples
 it is very difficult to make the right
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 for
me
Punctuation problem
me,
show examples
 the most significant fact is a permanent
job
Use synonyms
 that assures me a stable future.

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language
Use clear and simple sentences. Fix spelling and grammar to avoid wrong meaning.
structure
State your view in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.
structure
Break your essay into clear parts: view 1, view 2, and your own view, with linking words.
content
Give strong, real examples to support each point.
language
Check spelling of key words and use common words.
content
You show both views and your own view.
language
You use some good linking words like Nevertheless and For example.
structure
You make an offer of a point and a real life example.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job
  • work
  • happy
  • enjoy
  • like
  • feel good
  • safe
  • steady
  • money
  • pay
  • income
  • plan
  • life
  • family
  • health
  • stress
  • risk
  • grow
  • learn
  • skill
  • future
  • balance
  • choice
  • option
  • example
  • in my view
  • on the other hand
  • therefore
  • early
  • later
What to do next:
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