IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The flow chart shows the effects of trampling caused by tourists walking in the countryside. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The flow chart shows the effects of trampling caused by tourists walking in the countryside. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
In today’s society, many people tend to associate
success
Use synonyms
 with wealth. The more
money
Use synonyms
 a person has, the more successful they are often considered to be.
While
Linking Words
 financial stability can indeed be a sign of achievement, I strongly disagree that
money
Use synonyms
 is the best or only way to measure
success
Use synonyms
. True
success
Use synonyms
 should be evaluated through personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, positive impact on others, and
overall
Linking Words
 happiness rather than material possessions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
success
Use synonyms
 is a deeply personal concept that differs from one individual to another. For some, it may mean earning a high income or building a profitable business,
while
Linking Words
 for others it could mean achieving inner peace, having a loving family, or contributing to their community.
For example
Linking Words
, a teacher who earns a modest salary but inspires hundreds of students each year can be seen as highly successful, even if they are not wealthy.
In contrast
Linking Words
, a rich person who feels lonely or unfulfilled may not truly be successful despite their financial status.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 cannot buy essential aspects of life
such
Linking Words
 as happiness, health, or meaningful relationships. Many wealthy individuals face stress, depression, and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of purpose, proving that
success
Use synonyms
 based purely on income is incomplete. Genuine
success
Use synonyms
 should include emotional well-being, balance, and satisfaction with one’s life choices.
For instance
Linking Words
, volunteers or social workers who dedicate their lives to helping others may not earn large amounts of
money
Use synonyms
, yet they often report a deep sense of purpose and happiness.
Lastly
Linking Words
, measuring
success
Use synonyms
 by
money
Use synonyms
 can create a materialistic society where values like kindness, integrity, and creativity are undervalued.
This
Linking Words
 mindset may encourage unethical
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, as people might
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 profit over morality. A more balanced definition of
success
Use synonyms
 would celebrate both personal achievements and contributions to the greater good. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 financial
success
Use synonyms
 can reflect hard work and ambition, it should not be viewed as the ultimate measure of one’s worth. True
success
Use synonyms
 lies in living a meaningful, balanced, and fulfilling life, regardless of how much
money
Use synonyms
 one possesses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words success, money with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: