IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both risk both on professional life and personal life

In today's advanced world, taking
risks
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
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 an essential part of our professional and social affairs.
According to
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 common belief, uncertainty creates pressure and anxiety
on
Change preposition
in
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 a
big
Correct word choice
large
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amount
Check wording
number
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 of people.
However
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, others argue
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 benefits of challenging ourselves in unexpected conditions outweigh the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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perspectives
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as advantages and disadvantages. To commence with the benefits of taking
risks
Use synonyms
, we should first understand the significant place of making decisions in our lives. Every day, we make thousands of decisions in order to achieve success in our daily lives.
Therefore
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, sometimes the result doesn't satisfy us. In
this
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 case, pushing limits allows individuals to discover new opportunities since they are capable of leaving their comfort zone. As an example of that, a decision of an exchange year can lead the individual to independence,
network
Correct article usage
a network
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 ,and self-confidence;
thus
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, they're accepting the uncertain future.
On the other hand
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, there are some concerns about risk-taking. Many people can experience stress and anxiety when facing unexpected outcomes.
For example
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, an entrepreneur who saved
his all
Correct word order
all his
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 money
due to
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risky
Correct article usage
a risky
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 business may end up losing everything.
As a result
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, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 can open doors easily ,but it may
also
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 cause serious emotional damage.
To conclude
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, there is no correct
behavoir
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 when it comes to taking
risks
Use synonyms
. Choosing not to take actions
in addition
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 to accepting the given situation is a reasonable reaction;
therefore
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, when it comes to certain types of ambition, it is totally acceptable to take
risks
Use synonyms
 to create changes. Adopting a balanced approach seems the safest solution.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph. A short line that says what you think about risk helps the reader.
coherence
In the body, make one clear idea in each paragraph. Start each paragraph with a short main point.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, also, then to help the flow.
examples
Add more exact example that show how risk acts in real life. Describe the example a little.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use the right verb form, article, and punctuation. Short sentences can help.
structure
End with a clear rest of your view. A short final line helps.
content
The essay tries to talk about both sides.
content
There are real examples like study abroad.
structure
The ending shows a balanced view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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