IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think living in a big city is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that
people
Use synonyms
 get worse body conditions by residing in
cities
Use synonyms
. I believe that the harmful environment in there causes health problems.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 think that numerous
healthcare
Use synonyms
 facilities in urban areas are helpful
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
healthy lifestyles.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the environment of major
cities
Use synonyms
 is usually polluted, so it directly affects citizens'
healthcare
Use synonyms
. The environmental degradation in them is a serious problem, as many
people
Use synonyms
 have moved into them.
In particular
Linking Words
, the air pollution
due to
Linking Words
 congested
traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
show examples
 can cause multiple diseases, namely, cancer, chronic
inflamation
Correct your spelling
inflammation
, or allergy. In the rural side,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there are much fewer chances to get
such
Linking Words
 diseases, because its lifestyle
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 eco-friendly, and
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is less crowded than others.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there is a merit to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 when it comes to
healthcare
Use synonyms
 infrastructures. In detail, it is not hard to find hospitals in them, because urban design aimed to improve residents' convenience.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of precaution in
cities
Use synonyms
 has risen over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, since hospitals, where modern and accurate
healthcare
Use synonyms
 machines are placed, are concentrated in them.
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in the countryside have wasted their time finding doctors, those in
cities
Use synonyms
access
Verb problem
can access
show examples
 them easily.
For example
Linking Words
, the Korean government announced that the number of major hospitals in the capital city is three times larger than that in other suburbs. In conclusion, living in the city
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a downside about the polluted environment, which makes
people
Use synonyms
 get sick easily; Still, it is advantageous in terms of easy access
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services.

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task focus
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it in every part of the essay.
coherence
Link ideas well with clear sign posts. Have one main idea in each paragraph and end with a short tie to your view.
evidence
Give stronger and clearer proof. Use facts or simple facts that back your point. Avoid weak or unclear examples.
structure
You give both sides, not just one view.
content
You show how city life can help with health care.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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