IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think health care should be free for everyone, while others think people should pay their own medical bills. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Health
Use synonyms
care
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is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a hot topic among the public in recent years. There are
people
Use synonyms
 who support free
health
Use synonyms
care
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 and for social equality,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with the
government
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 paying citizens’ medical bills. They are both reasonable to some extent. Personally, I think the
government
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 should make
health
Use synonyms
care
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 free for everyone. It can be justified to advocate and promote equality in society, so it is the
government
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’s responsibility to make
health
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care
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 free for everyone.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is an effective way to ensure
people
Use synonyms
’s basic living quality,
therefore
Linking Words
, to alleviate
people
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’s
health
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 problems, especially prolonged
health
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 risks. If the
government
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 can guide the public towards choices that promote healthy living and raise awareness on infectious diseases, the serious and worsened situation could be prevented and managed.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 living in disadvantaged areas have fewer options for medical services and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 diet
,
Punctuation problem
;
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hence
Linking Words
, free
health
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care
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 to be given to everyone is not to exclude
people
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 socially and economically and for fairer social justice. The
people
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 on the opposite stand are reasonable because of financial considerations and
motivation
Correct article usage
the motivation
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 for
people
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 to live healthily.
This
Linking Words
 is because the substantial investment in
health
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care
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 could give rise to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 financial imbalance or shortage in other key areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, art and science consume considerable resources in
annual
Correct article usage
the annual
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 budget.
Besides
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, Individuals should be responsible for their own
health
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 rather than rely on the
government
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 to solve their problems with their bodies
,
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 is significant to avoid the encouragement on
people
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 to be lazy and demotivating
people
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 to make financial improvements and make healthy choices. Based on what has been discussed above,
people
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 advocate free medical
care
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 because of
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 society, but
people
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 against free medical
care
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concerned
Verb problem
are concerned
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 about
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 and
people
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’s motivation. I believe free
health
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care
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 is a strong support for
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 society and hope to shape a country to be healthier.

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tip
The essay shows the view and the other view. It needs stronger and clear reasons and more real life examples to back each point.
tip
Link ideas better. Use more words to tie ideas from one part to the next.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Use a short intro, 2-3 body parts, and a short end.
style
Keep to plain words and fix grammar. Some long or odd phrases should be made simple.
strength
Clear take on the topic
strength
Gives reason for each side
strength
Easy to read flow
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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