IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advances in technology which can prevent and solve crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, it is true that some crime rates have decreased compared to the past
thanks
Punctuation problem
, thanks
show examples
 to technological progress.
However
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 created new types of
crimes
Use synonyms
 that did not exist before.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I partly agree with the idea that
technology
Use synonyms
 helps to reduce crime. On the one hand, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in preventing
crimes
Use synonyms
, especially in public areas.
For example
Linking Words
, many shopping centres, offices and streets have CCTV cameras, which make
people
Use synonyms
 feel more controlled and reduce the possibility of crime.
People
Use synonyms
 know that their actions are being recorded, so they think twice before doing something illegal.
In addition
Linking Words
, fingerprint and facial recognition systems help the police identify criminals more easily and solve cases faster. These systems make investigations more effective and improve public safety.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 caused new kinds of
crimes
Use synonyms
 to appear. With the growth of online shopping and digital banking, many
people
Use synonyms
 share their card information on the internet. Unfortunately, some hackers and criminals use
copying
Wrong verb form
copied
show examples
 systems or fake websites to steal
people
Use synonyms
’s personal details and money.
This
Linking Words
 situation shows that
technology
Use synonyms
 can protect
people
Use synonyms
 in some ways
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 brings new risks at the same time. In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 has made a big difference in preventing and solving traditional
crimes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, because of digital
crimes
Use synonyms
, it cannot completely stop criminal activities. Governments should focus more on protecting
people
Use synonyms
 from cybercrimes
while
Linking Words
 still using
technology
Use synonyms
 to keep society safe.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Keep a clear view and state it again at the end. Restate your main idea in the last line to show full view.
task response
Add one more strong example or fact to back your view. This helps the score for ideas.
coherence
Use more link words to show how ideas are linked; use simple connect words like however, but, and, also.
coherence
Try to keep each paragraph with one big idea and a short line to the next idea.
grammar
Watch small grammar mistakes; use short, clear sentences.
lexical resource
Use clear, simple examples that fit the topic (crime and tech) and stay away from long or vague phrases.
overall
Clear stance and good plan.
coherence
Good use of link words to give contrast.
content
Relevant examples like CCTV and online crime.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: