IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent times, many
people
Use synonyms
 with health issues are switching to unconventional
medicines
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 and
treatments
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 rather than visiting their usual doctors. I think it's negative progress, as unconventional
medicines
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 and
treatments
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 are not based on scientific
research
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 modern
medicines
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 and
treatments
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 are based on several years of
research
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 and are approved by the medical authority. Lots of medical advancements happened in the
last
Linking Words
 century, which made
people
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 have a
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
 and longer life. Many diseases that swept away thousands of
people
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's lives in the past now, because of the invention of vaccines for many diseases, have significantly declined in death rate.
Also
Linking Words
, there are new ways of doing operations. Like in the past, doctors had to cut the belly of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patient to do surgery on the appendix. Now they just need to make three holes
on
Change preposition
in
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 the belly, and through those holes, a camera and medical instruments are inserted to do surgery on the appendix, which allows the patient to go home on the same day of the operation, and it is way safer compared to the previous method.
Also
Linking Words
, we can see thousands of
people
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's lives saved during covid-19because of the invention of the
covid
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COVID-19
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 vaccine.
In contrast
Linking Words
, unconventional medicine and
treatments
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 are not backed by scientific
research
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,
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
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than changing
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 the way of living
life
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apply
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, like meditation. Other
treatments
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, like acupuncture, modern medical authorities have serious doubts about their effectiveness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, herbal
medicines
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 are not approved by modern medical communities. So, we are unsure about their effectiveness. Use of herbal medicine could have a bad impact on
people
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, as it is not backed by scientific
research
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. On the one hand, modern
medicines
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 are backed by
research
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 and approved by medical authorities;
in contrast
Linking Words
, alternative options do not go through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rigorous
research
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, and they are not approved by medical bodies, so we are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their effectiveness. That's why I think it's a negative development,
people
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 switching to unconventional
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatments
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your write. Use an intro, body paragraphs, and a short end.
organization
Put one idea in each paragraph, say the point, then proof or example.
content
Add a small opposite view and a closing line.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences. Break long lines into small ones.
vocabulary
Use only simple words from the top 100. Keep easy words.
cohesion
Link ideas with small words like and, but, so.
clarity
Clear view on the topic.
content
Good use of real examples like vaccines and new surgery.
structure
Linking words help flow, such as In contrast.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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