IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

A substantial increase in gadget
use
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, especially mobile
phones
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, has allowed
people
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 to
use
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 them wherever they are.
This
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 phenomenon,
however
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, has resulted
some
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in some
show examples
people
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 thinking that using mobile
phones
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 in public
places
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,
such
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 as libraries, shops, and public transport, should be prohibited.
Although
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this
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 suggestion holds significance, I do not advocate it. Using mobile
phones
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 in public
places
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 can really be distracting for
others
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. Some
people
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 visit libraries so as to enjoy reading their lovely novels in a peaceful setting, where they do not normally get distracted by unwanted noise.
However
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, not only can they not enjoy reading, but they
also
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 lose concentration because of the noise produced by mobile
phones
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, thereby complaining about it, potentially causing conflicts with
others
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.
Moreover
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, some
people
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, be it intentionally or not, often talk on the phone too loudly in public transport, neglecting other
people
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 around them sharing the transport.
For example
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, in Tashkent, the capital of Uzbekistan, some
people
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, younger ones
in particular
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, are immensely used to using their
phones
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 to listen to music loudly or play online games, bothering those who want to take a quiet ride.
That is
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 why banning mobile
phones
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 in
such
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places
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 can be a compelling argument for the sake of
peace
Correct article usage
the peace
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 of
others
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. Prohibiting
using
Wrong verb form
the use of
show examples
 mobile
phones
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 completely in public
places
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,
however
Linking Words
, may be to the disadvantage of many. Mobile devices are designed mainly to stay connected with other
people
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, and not allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
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use
Verb problem
be
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 them in public
places
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 breaks the connection between
people
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 for
,
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apply
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 at least
,
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apply
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 some time,
as a result
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 of which
people
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 cannot communicate with
familiars
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family members
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 to even inform some important news or necessities, possibly delaying crucial appointments. More importantly, mobile
phones
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 are
people
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’s personal belongings, meaning that they should have the right to
use
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 them whenever and wherever they want, but only
through
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by
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 following certain societal norms. So, rather than forbidding
using
Wrong verb form
the use of
show examples
 mobile
phones
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, I believe that governments should introduce more rules on how to
use
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 mobile devices in public
places
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. In conclusion, a complete restriction of mobile
phones
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 in public
places
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 can be beneficial to some extent, but I believe implementing stricter regulations on gadget
use
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 to ensure
others
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 are not disturbed is more significant.

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planning
Plan your essay before you write. Make a short plan with an intro, two or three main ideas, and a conclusion.
development
Support each idea with a small, clear example or fact.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit together (for example: and, but, also, therefore, however).
language
Keep the language simple and short sentences to avoid mistakes.
thesis
The writer shows a clear view in the opening.
structure
There is a steady flow of ideas with linking words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
What to do next:
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