IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Parents should encourage children spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A common natural law reveals a reality that everything in the world is in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motion rather than at rest.If a person refuses to move around consistently,he is going against
his
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 physical
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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 of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
body
Use synonyms
.Undeniably,
Children
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 spend some time in
study
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 as it is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 opportunity to gain basic knowledge for
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 later on .From my point of view,parents should give equal balance when
weigh
Wrong verb form
weighing
show examples
 the
study
Use synonyms
 and physical activities. With regard to physical
exercise
Use synonyms
,joining physical activities helps
children
Use synonyms
keep
Verb problem
stay
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
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，as
Punctuation problem
. As
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 we all know,it is
golden
Correct article usage
a golden
show examples
 time for
children
Use synonyms
 to grow up healthier and stronger with enough nutrition and do more
exercise
Use synonyms
.Indeed，kids with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 tend to be more positive and less
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
,as
in door
Use the right word
indoor
show examples
 and outdoor activities
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 strengthen
Correct article usage
the
show examples
immune system
Punctuation problem
,
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which
defend
Correct subject-verb agreement
defends
show examples
 our
body
Use synonyms
 against various bacteria and
virus
Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
show examples
.What’s more.Nowadays，
children
Use synonyms
 tend to have an unhealthy diet,too much junk food
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 fried food and too much sweet,which is harmful for
children
Use synonyms
’s health and get fat easily
,
Punctuation problem
. Hence
show examples
hence
Linking Words
 ,doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 keeps their
body
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good shape,in the meantime,
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
away
Correct pronoun usage
them away
show examples
 from various negative impacts . As for encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to devote time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying,it can promote them to form a good habit to love and develop it into
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
 rather than being forced to learn something by rote,it stimulates initiative
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps younger
children
Use synonyms
 accumulate abundant basic knowledge and overcome potential challenges later on.
Besides
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 possess
superior
Correct article usage
a superior
show examples
 quality which may disappear gradually as they grow older,
that is
Linking Words
 curiosity.Parents encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
 very young
helps
Check wording
age helps
show examples
 them grasp the ability to discover something new ,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 them
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to think
to
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a
big
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
 range.In modern society,the ability to think out of the box and do away with old routines is a watershed between the mediocre person
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and the prominent one.
Hence
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 earlier to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encourages
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
,the more benefits it brings.

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structure
Plan your answer. Start with a short view, then write two main ideas (study and sport), and end with a quick finish that restates your view.
language
Use easy links to show flow. Use words like first, also, but, and finally to connect ideas.
grammar
Check word form and punctuation. Look for big gaps in space, wrong commas, and long sentences that run on.
content
The essay shows a clear view that balance is needed between study and activity.
structure
It talks about both sides and gives some good reasons for each.
content
Some examples of health and thought are used to back ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
What to do next:
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