IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government should be held responsible when problem of homelessness snd unemployment arise.Do you agree or disagree

It is often argued by some people, higher authorities should take care of citizens when they are facing challenges ,
such
Linking Words
 as sleeping on roads because they do not have accommodation to live and another major problem , unemployment.
According to
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 my perception, I agree with the statement. They should  announce  free accommodations for needy people. They might provide them with
government
Use synonyms
 jobs in many sectors ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 education, security department and health. 
Firstly
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, the
Government
Use synonyms
 should need to make a policy which helps to choose poor citizens who are really eligible for residency. Clearly,
this
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 step will play a pivotal role in solving
this
Linking Words
 issue. In
this
Linking Words
 way, homeless locals are able to live happily with their families. In 2023,
President
Correct article usage
the President
show examples
 of the United Kingdom announced over 1500 accommodations , and he clearly mentioned that it was just for poor citizens and with the help of
policy
Punctuation problem
policy,
show examples
 they approximately
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
residence
Correct article usage
the residence
show examples
 issue from 5.8% to 3.8% within 12
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
.  We are living in a developed era
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
still
Correct word order
apply
show examples
many countries are
facing
Correct word order
still facing
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 occupation problems. Individuals do not have money for their daily expenses. Unfortunately, more are them are graduating and
well-being
Correct pronoun usage
their well-being
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. If
government
Use synonyms
 sectors ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 education, health and police, will announce seats for them
according to
Linking Words
 the merit list, it can alleviate
this
Linking Words
 major problem rapidly.
Last
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 year, every department of the Australian
government
Use synonyms
 gave over 1200 jobs  to those who were jobless
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they were taken by an authentic policy and unemployment issue reduced from 5% to 3.3%
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
 6 months.  In conclusion, I would say that these are common rights of every poor citizen to have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 accommodation and a job to live life.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 providing these facilities is quite hard for the country
Rephrase
apply
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the way the nation lives in a country always represents the wealth.

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task
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep to it throughout the essay.
structure
Plan before you write: a short intro, 2 or 3 body ideas, and a short conclusion.
structure
Keep ideas in one paragraph each. Do not mix many ideas in one big paragraph.
linking
Use simple linking words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but', 'therefore' to guide the reader.
content
Check your facts and use realistic examples from your own country or common statements.
strength
You show a clear view that the government should help with housing and jobs.
strength
You give some examples of how help could be given (housing, jobs).
strength
You try to support your ideas with numbers or facts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • responsibility
  • homelessness
  • unemployment
  • policy
  • plan
  • budget
  • housing
  • jobs
  • work
  • skills
  • training
  • safety net
  • welfare
  • benefits
  • rent
  • economy
  • business
  • community
  • accountability
  • evidence
  • outcome
  • goal
  • measure
  • results
  • improve
  • change
  • opportunity
  • growth
  • support
  • fund
What to do next:
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