IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some children spend hours every day on their smartohones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive and negative development.

The discussion about whether or not spending excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
dangerous
Verb problem
is dangerous
show examples
 for young people in today's complex society raises a thorny question.
Although
Linking Words
 it can be argued that in
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 world technological literacy is extremely vital,l strongly believe that for raising mentally and physically healthy
kids
Punctuation problem
kids,
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 parents need
keep
Verb problem
to keep
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away them
Correct word order
them away
show examples
 from
telephone
Correct article usage
the telephone
show examples
 as much as they can. There are several reasons why folks reckon that
children
Use synonyms
 should be digital natives.First and foremost,it could be argued that in contemporary
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 digital literacy is essential.
Children
Use synonyms
 could develop their skill acquisition and harness the power of educational technology.Another important reason could be
thought
Verb problem
apply
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that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
rapid technological évolution
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and choices.They strive
spend
Verb problem
to spend
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time
Use synonyms
 on
telephone
Correct article usage
the telephone
show examples
 playing games,as a kid
physical
Punctuation problem
, physical
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 activities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not interesting anymore.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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 parents can't handle
this
Linking Words
 situation and allow excessive screen
.
Check wording
time.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
,it has been shown that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on
phones
Punctuation problem
phones,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 get knowledge,cultivate critical thinking skills. Despite the above arguments,
l
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 tend to believe that rapid technological evolution
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
Punctuation problem
,
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isolating
socially
Correct pronoun usage
them socially
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.
Initially
Linking Words
 granted ,it could be asserted that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
spending hours on phones
led
Wrong verb form
leads
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 to digital dependency,
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
 different mental and physical problems.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
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,kids watching different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of programs,using social media for
hours
Punctuation problem
hours,
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle,and it causes posture disease.Another key point is ,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey conducted by the New York Times,every single day
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of cyber bullying victims
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 dramatically
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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third
Correct article usage
a third
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 of two are
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,despite the fact that global
world
Check wording
apply
show examples
youth need to know everything related to phones,
l
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 am inclined to consider that parents should balance phone
time
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
Plan your essay. State your view clearly in the first line. Then give two simple reasons and a small example.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. Use clear link words like first, also, but, for example to tie ideas.
Grammar and accuracy
Check spelling and grammar. Use short, simple sentences. Fix big word errors and awkward phrases.
Positives
The essay has an introduction and end.
Positives
It shows view of both sides.
Positives
There are some reasons given for each side.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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