IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many research found that employees have more productivity when working days are shorter in a week. I am also a firm believer of this view.

Much research has found that
employees
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 have more
productivity
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 when working days are shorter in a
week
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. I am
also
Linking Words
 a firm believer in
this
Linking Words
 perspective. In developing countries, like Bangladesh, especially in the private
sector
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, there are long working days in a
week
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.
Employees
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 have 48 working
hours
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 in a
week
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, and sometimes it exceeds more than 48
hours
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. In our country, the private
sector
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, where the majority of
employees
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 work, suffers from extended working
hours
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. Management and the owner of the
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 believe that working more
hours
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 brings more work from staff and workers. But it is not true; much research has found that having fewer working
hours
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 increases the
productivity
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 of a working professional. On the basis of various research on
this
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 topic, many countries, especially developed countries, are switching to fewer office
hours
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 to increase the
productivity
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 of a working professional and promote work-life balance. As a working professional, I
also
Linking Words
 understand the necessity of a shorter business
week
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. It's really exhausting to keep working day after day in long working
hours
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. It's taken a heavy toll on our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 after working several years in
this
Linking Words
 framework. Working professionals suffer from health issues,
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure,
high
Correct word choice
and high
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 cholesterol
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 etc., because of working long
hours
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 and not having time for physical exercise. It creates strain on the medical
sector
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. We have a population of around 200 million, and the government is finding it difficult to provide medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 to all the citizens of Bangladesh. Having long working
hours
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 indirectly creates
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 on the medical
sector
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, which will be very tough for the government to provide medical care. The human brain needs rest to operate effectively. Achieving work-life balance
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
productivity
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 from the employee side.
In contrast
Linking Words
, working long
hours
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 creates fatigue, which results in less
productivity
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, and in the long run,
employees
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 suffer from various diseases
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of movement and physical exercise, which creates extra responsibility for the government to look after the residents of Bangladesh. I am a firm believer that the business
week
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 should be shorter rather than longer to create work-life balance and to increase the
productivity
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 of
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 classes. Governments have to play a significant role, like enacting new laws to reduce working
hours
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, which force private
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 to work within
this
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 framework, and enabling
employees
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 to achieve greater output than before.

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task response
In your intro, state your view clearly and end with a short conclusion. Use 2 or 3 main ideas in the body.
coherence
Make ideas fit in a clear path. Each paragraph should have one main idea and lines to connect ideas with simple link words like and, but, also, in addition.
coherence
Use short, clear sentences. Avoid long, run-on sentences. Check grammar and punctuation so each sentence ends well.
coherence
Use easy words from daily life. Do not try to use hard words that slow you down.
task response
Give real, clear examples from your country when you make a point. This helps the reader see the idea.
strength
Clear view on a hot topic.
strength
Use of real life link to Bangladesh.
strength
Reasoning links health, work and city policy.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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