IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays,children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time doing sports. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development ?

Nowadays,most kids waste their
time
Use synonyms
 on computer games and limit themselves
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 doing sports.
While
Linking Words
 a number of factors can account for
this
Linking Words
, including digital immersion and easy accessibility of
Use synonyms
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
show examples
 the problem can be mitigated by limiting their screen
time
Use synonyms
 and
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
more sports activities at school.
This
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 can be attributed to digital immersion and
easy
Correct article usage
the easy
show examples
 accessibility of
technology
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, kids
involved
Verb problem
are involved
show examples
 in modern technologies and online
entartaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
, which makes it easy to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 playing computer games. The convenience of having gaming devices available everywhere
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 so children prefer to stay
indoor
Use the right word
indoors
show examples
.
As a result
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 ,it leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of exercise and movement.
Moreover
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, constantly playing becomes the reason
in
Change preposition
for
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gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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 decline in physical well-being , causing overweight
due to
Linking Words
sedentory
Correct your spelling
sedentary
 habits. There are several ways to solve
this
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 problem. Parents
havo
Correct your spelling
have
 to limit screen
time
Use synonyms
 , so children would try
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 activities.
Also
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,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have to
organice
Correct your spelling
organise
 different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of sections by competitions.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
will have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 competitions, youngsters become
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interesred
Correct your spelling
interested
 and try. In conclusion, in recent days
spending
Punctuation problem
, spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on computer games
it
Use the right word
is
show examples
really
Correct article usage
a really
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 big and important problem.
This
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 issue
attributed
Verb problem
is attributed
show examples
 to digital immersion and accessibility of
technology
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents and schools play
main
Correct article usage
a main
show examples
 role in supporting them against
technology
Use synonyms
.

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language
Fix grammar and spelling errors; use correct word forms.
structure
Make clear topic sentences to start each paragraph; keep one idea per paragraph.
content
State a clear view in the introduction and conclusion and restate it at the end.
content
Add more specific examples or data to back up points.
style
Use short, clear sentences with proper punctuation to aid reading.
structure
The essay shows an attempt to discuss causes and ways to solve the issue.
content
It keeps a plan of intro, body, and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
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