IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays,full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In modern universities,
students
Use synonyms
 devote their time to academic studies.
However
Linking Words
, I absolutely disagree with the idea that
students
Use synonyms
 should only focus on their studies. I believe that diverse contact
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 different
activities
Use synonyms
 is essential for
students
Use synonyms
 to develop their social skills, maintain their mental health and prepare for
future
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 careers. University is not only a place to gain academic knowledge but
also
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 an opportunity for personal growth. When
students
Use synonyms
 join clubs, volunteer programs, or part-time jobs, they learn communication, teamwork, and leadership. These skills cannot be obtained from textbooks.
In addition
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, they can
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 the responsibilities of the environment surrounding them.
Thus
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, these abilities are as important as academic knowledge. Proper
relaxing
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
 on other interests is a crucial point to
remain
Verb problem
maintain
show examples
 mental health. To avoid pressure,
people
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 need to distract their concentration
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different things.
People
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 focus on only one event that makes them feel
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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 rather than happy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, joining other
activities
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 makes the
students
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 work with
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds, which
improves
Verb problem
helps
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
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exchange different kinds of thoughts.
Students
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 can get more information about
future
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 careers, diverse options.
As a result
Linking Words
,
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
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 in extra
activities
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 helps the
students
Use synonyms
 explore their
future
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 path and keep their mental health stable.
Despite
Change preposition
Although
show examples
 some
people
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 may argue that having other
activities
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
students
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’ studying attitude, I firmly agree that
students
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 should not only focus on academic studies. By getting involved in various
activities
Use synonyms
,
students
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 develop a more balanced lifestyle, gain useful experience for
future
Use synonyms
 success and learn social skills which cannot be taught at school.

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structure
Make your opening line more direct: say you disagree and give a quick plan of your points.
content
Expand each idea with a short real example or clear detail.
language
Reduce odd wording and fix phrases like 'proper relaxing' to 'taking time to relax' for clearer meaning.
task response
You take a clear side and keep it through the essay.
coherence
You use good links like 'however', 'in addition', 'as a result' to show ideas flow.
content
You give good reasons about social skills and mental health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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