IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today's fast-paced era, a debate has emerged among people
whether
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about whether
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 teenagers should focus on whole
subjects
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 equally in school or pupils should concentrate more on
fields
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 they greatly like, or are exceptional at. I believe that it is essential to strike a balance approach, since all
science
Fix the agreement mistake
sciences
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 are important and relatively close together. Supporters of focusing on all
fields
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 cite that
this
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 allows students to
deep
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deepen
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 their
understand
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understanding
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 in a wide range of science, helping them conveniently solve the complexities of daily
life
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. To be more precise, pupils enhance their crucial skills,
such
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 as critical thinking, communication, flexibility, creativity, problem-solving and decision-making
Punctuation problem
, throughout
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throughout
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through
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 engaging in diverse scientific
fields
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.
For example
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, those who have equal performance in various
fields
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 are often successful in their personal and professional lives, since their mind can easily assess the complex condition.
Hence
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, learning various
subjects
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 sets teenagers on a continuous path of personal and professional growth by promoting their essential skills
in
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on
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 a wide scale.
On the other hand
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, others advocate that it is important,
allowing
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to allow
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 students to spend more time on
subjects
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 they prefer, since it not only makes them
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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on
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in
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 the field but
also
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 motivates them to pursue their goal with high energy, which is truly worthwhile. As an example, those who over-concentrate on the
subjects
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 they desire usually become
success
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successful
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on
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in
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 their profession, and have a great
life
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 expectancy.
Consequently
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,
this
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 attitude may ensure
pupils
Check wording
pupils'
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 accomplishment in the future by boosting their incentive regarding what they
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
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.
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on.
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To sum up
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, in my opinion,
while
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 concentrating on
subjects
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 one
passionate
Verb problem
is passionate
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 about would ensure achievements in the future, it is important to note that
life
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 has various aspects and focusing on one field can deprive teenagers of
mitigating
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developing
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 their abilities in other aspects.
Therefore
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, an optimal approach to all
subjects
Use synonyms
 can potentially bring incredible victories in
life
Use synonyms
's journey.

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task response
Fix the end of the essay to show a clear view. Make your own view simple and strong.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how one idea leads to the next.
organization
Make each idea easy to see. Try one big idea per paragraph and use simple words.
grammar
Check grammar and spell important words the right way. Use simple grammar and common words.
content
Give a clear example and explain it in a few lines so the reader can see it.
content
The essay has all views and the writer's view.
structure
There is an effort to use links between ideas.
coherence
The text uses a mix of ideas and examples.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-rounded education
  • Formative years
  • Versatile skill sets
  • Premature specialization
  • Holistic development
  • Standardized tests
  • Deeper expertise
  • Academic options
  • Personalized learning
  • Foundational level
  • Motivating
  • Engagement
  • Career success
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