IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

I guess,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 can be more advantages than disadvantages. Technology and the internet can help us with so many problems and situations. The Internet shows us news, can help us with studying, and
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
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 how to deal with problems in real life. We can look at historical facts. In 1976, Steve Jobs released a new type of smart phone-Apple. He said
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that everyone should have
this
Linking Words
 thing, because it’s like a computer, which can help and save you from difficulties in your life.
Also
Linking Words
, mobile phones are replacing things
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which become uncomfortable to use: calculators, cameras, notes and else. My mother was born in 1982-time of the USSR. She explained to me that the mobile phone made her life more ease than in past. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it was hard to read books and take them from the library, because the limit was only for a day, and the library doesn’t work all the time. Nowadays, she can read books on her phone whenever she wants and how much she wants. I wasn’t living in the USSR, but I understood how hard it was. We shouldn’t forget about the disadvantages. The internet and mobile phones make us more lazy, stealing our precious time and more. We should use them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when it actually needed, but not all the time. First of all, it can be important
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when we have to study something or send sms to somebody.

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Structure
Make a short plan before you write. Start with a clear view on the task. Then give two or three ideas to prove your view.
Coherence
Use one idea per block. Use small links to show how ideas connect.
Content
Explain each idea with a reason. Add one easy example for each.
Accuracy
Check facts you use. Do not mix up dates or events.
Strength
You show a view that advantages can be strong.
Strength
You use personal links to life which helps the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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