IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? agree: - raising price helps people reduce overuse - limiting depletion of natural fuels disagree: - There are better ways like using energy from the sun, water

The debate on providing
energy
Use synonyms
 for humans has been a long discourse among experts. Some academics agree that a high rate will reduce human
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption, which
consequently
Linking Words
 restricts to get fuel from environmental exploitation.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, many others disagree with that notion and prefer to develop renewable
energy
Use synonyms
. I think the latter has a positive paradigm and prolongs the age of our mother earth.
First,
Linking Words
based on the opinion of mining engineers and economic experts, financial efforts to punish people
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by raising fuel prices
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are more effective.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 will avoid using their own vehicle , and they will turn to public transport. It results in the reduction of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption, including natural mining exploration,
such
Linking Words
 as coal and crude oil.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 policy will, most likely, affect the poor, because only rich citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
still can
Correct word order
can still
show examples
 afford
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it raises social problems, called classism, among citizens, which segregates
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 into two opposite poles, based on their economic capacity to earn. Meanwhile, some other persons, especially those who are based on environmental and climate justice activism, put their voice in sustainable
energy
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as the sun and water.
This
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 will not
extinct
Verb problem
be extinct
show examples
, unlike fossil
Use synonyms
energy
Punctuation problem
energy,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will not
last
Linking Words
 forever.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
energy
Use synonyms
 sources are abundant and can be renewed along the
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 of nature. Solar
energy
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
,
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from the sun that shines every day.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 another example ,
such
Linking Words
 as water, offers a lot of resources, since two-thirds of our earth is ocean. In conclusion, based on my observation, I think developing renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 is positive, compared to raising fuel prices for the people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, achieving the production of renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 is more visible and will save our environment. Indeed, a financial approach to reduce
energy
Use synonyms
 use can be attained, but it will create another social problem, called social segregation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Have a clear view from the start and keep it in every paragraph.
coherence
Make one main idea in each paragraph and give a short example for it.
language
Fix grammar and word form so your sentences are easy to read.
position
Clear mood of support for renewable energy.
structure
The essay uses a basic plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: