IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries are moving towards a cashless society where all transactions are digital. Do the advantages of a cashless society outweigh the disadvantages?

In modern
society
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, individuals utilise card
payment
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 and other electronic
payment
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 methods
instead
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 of cash. I believe that
this
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trend
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 is highly advantageous not only for enhanced security but
also
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 for improved budgeting and expense tracking.
However
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, some may have differing opinions
,
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;
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this
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 essay will examine how these advantages outweigh any
disadvantages
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. On the one hand, there are some notable
disadvantages
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 associated with a cashless
society
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.
Firstly
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, access to a bank account is required, which may not be feasible for all individuals, especially those with limited financial resources. Elderly persons may experience discomfort and find it challenging to transition from physical currency.
Moreover
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,
this
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trend
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 depends on technology, which is not always reliable.
For example
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, if someone goes shopping and discovers that his mobile device's battery has depleted, he might be unable to make
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 purchase.
On the other hand
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, there are numerous grounds for the overwhelming advantages of
this
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 new
trend
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.
Firstly
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, a bank card facilitates
monitoring
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the monitoring
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 and management of budgeting and expenditure. User receives notifications on their mobile device regarding their financial transactions, including the amounts spent and the time of expenditure.
For instance
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, during outings, individuals and their families often indulge in entertainment without paying immediate attention to their spending;
however
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, they can review their spending
subsequently
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 through
this
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 message.
Furthermore
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, the proliferation of counterfeit money has
also
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 contributed to the movement towards a cashless
society
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. Using modern technology, counterfeiters produce fake money in
such
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 a way that it is almost impossible to detect with the naked eye.
Although
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 governments are diligently trying to mitigate
this
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 crime, they are unable to control it fully.
Thus
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, these advantages smoothly outweigh the
disadvantages
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 of cash transactions. In conclusion, people in contemporary
society
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,
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apply
show examples
 tend to use the bank card and other digital
payment
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 methods rather than liquid money. Though I recognise there are some
disadvantages
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 of cash transactions, the
trend
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 of these cashless
payment
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 methods is more beneficial for the security of the fund and a better tool for proper expenditure management.

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Development
Make a aim clear in the first part; give a direct view on the question in the intro and keep it steady in the rest.
Development
Add more ideas that link to real life and give examples that are easy to see, with short notes.
Organization
Use more linking words to show how ideas connect, and check the order of the ideas.
Language
Check grammar and word choice for accuracy, especially in long sentences.
Strength
The essay shows a clear point of view.
Strength
It uses examples to explain ideas.
Strength
Conclusion restates the main idea.
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