IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to leave their jobs in order to pursue further education. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
modernized
Change the spelling
modernised
show examples
 era,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of individuals opting to leave their employment is significantly increasing in order to pursue
further
Linking Words
 studies.
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, the given notion has more benefits than drawbacks, which will be discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand, giving up
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs for
graduating
Replace the word
graduation
show examples
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 enables individuals to access greater knowledge and
broadens
Correct subject-verb agreement
broaden
show examples
future
Correct pronoun usage
their future
show examples
 prospects. Which
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 turn,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might open the doors for
high-valued
Use the right word
high-value
show examples
 job opportunities in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 days.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if one
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
wants to pursue a career in a particular field,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in a school or university to gain knowledge regarding
specialised
Correct article usage
a specialised
show examples
 field.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per my personal experience, I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and working as a Registered Nurse in the hospital. I am planning to quit my current job to join the University to become a Nurse Practitioner.
Moreover
Linking Words
, studying in a college engages people with an enormous source of information, which is necessary to acquire basic skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation has
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 demerits too. The foremost is, leaving workplaces for
further
Linking Words
 studies undermines
work
Use synonyms
 experience and skills, which are indispensable for sustaining productivity
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
work
Use synonyms
 environment.
Additionally
Linking Words
, quitting jobs
more
Verb problem
is more
show examples
 likely to hinder financial support by
enabling
Verb problem
leaving
show examples
 individuals unemployed. Eventually,
this
Linking Words
 will cause financial constraints. To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
 moving out of the
work
Use synonyms
 weakens working ability and excludes crucial
work
Use synonyms
 experience, shedding light on forthcoming education generates better options for employment, and paves the way to expand knowledge.

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task response
You state your view clearly, but deepen your answer by explaining how leaving work helps future job chances and by adding more real facts or data.
coherence
Make ideas flow in a clear order. Use linking words like first, next, then, in addition, and finally to guide the reader.
grammar
Many sentences have grammar issues and awkward word use. Check verb forms, prepositions, and countable nouns. Use shorter sentences for clarity.
task response
Clear stance and answer is easy to follow.
coherence
Good use of some linking words to show contrast and addition.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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