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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

How can we eliminate diseases from a country. What is role of a government and individuals.

In
this
Linking Words
 developed era, every country's first priority is to remove
diseases
Use synonyms
 from the country. There are significant ways to achieve
this
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 goal. I discuss them below.
Firstly
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, the Government always needs to follow some steps to eliminate harmful
diseases
Use synonyms
 completely,
such
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 as higher authorities should order every province to clean every
city
Use synonyms
 by removing dirty trash from public places and by cleaning plastic from rivers, canals, and lakes.
Moreover
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, plastic bag companies should be banned by the government, and
they
Use the right word
the
show examples
 need to encourage citizens to use cotton bags or foldable shopping bags.
Furthermore
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, every district Council can make a specific program which helps citizens to be aware of the symptoms of various
diseases
Use synonyms
, and it can help them to encounter them fast;
also
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,
city
Use synonyms
 Councils should use
cleanser
Use the right word
air-cleansing
show examples
 machines to
sanitize
Change the spelling
sanitise
show examples
 the air. Recently, the CM of Punjab, Pakistan, Maryam Nawaz, strictly ordered every
city
Use synonyms
 Council to clean every corner of the region, and currently, every
city
Use synonyms
 is being disinfected.
Secondly
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, individuals can encourage their families to follow SOPs at home.
For instance
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, guardians would advise their children to be hygienic by taking baths frequently and using
sanitizer
Change the spelling
sanitiser
show examples
 properly.
Moreover
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, they should clean their houses with strong detergents, like Dettol cleanser.
Furthermore
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, they need to maintain a healthy diet by using good products from the grocery,
as well as
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 try to stay away from outdoor food, too. Even if
anyone
Check wording
someone
show examples
 has a normal fever, do not be lazy; consult a doctor immediately.
Thirdly
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, developed countries can help a needy country to eliminate
diseases
Use synonyms
 by providing
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 with vaccines. They can provide them with subsidies for expenses on medicines and provide them with funds to build hospitals in rural areas. In 2019, foreign countries gave funds and Coronavirus supplies to Pakistan
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the time of
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
show examples
;
then
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, within one year, Pakistan overcame the destruction. In conclusion, I would say that a Government plays a major role in eliminating
diseases
Use synonyms
 from
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 homeland by cleaning and making health programs for awareness.
Similarly
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, individuals
also
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 need to play an essential role in their areas, like encouraging them about cleanliness.

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structure
Make the plan clear. Put one big idea in each paragraph and use a short link for each one.
grammar
Fix grammar. Shorten long lines. Use commas and period well.
content
Give more real facts that fit the task and keep politics out of the test.
vocabulary
Use simple words only. Keep to common words so all can read.
purpose
The essay has a clear aim to show how to stop disease and who should do what.
structure
It uses 'Firstly/Secondly/Thirdly' and ends with a conclusion.
content
It gives some good ideas on what the government and people can do.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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