IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The issue of the growing number of unhealthy
people
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 who tend to use
alternative
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therapy
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 and medicine
instead
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 of seeking formal
treatment
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 has sparked interest in modern society. I firmly believe
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 a negative development, stimulating financial burden and deteriorating
health
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 problems. One compelling argument is that
alternative
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therapy
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 lacks a standard and secure
provement
Correct your spelling
evidence
. Specifically, if
people
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 consistently prevent formal medical
treatment
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 rather than use
unguaranteed
Correct word choice
unproven
show examples
therapy
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, they cannot access accurate treatments and even suffer from worse
health
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 conditions.
Moreover
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,
alternative
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therapy
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 not only leads to no effect consequences but
also
Linking Words
 causes the issue of missing the early
treatment
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. Urgent physical issues cannot be procrastinated, taking
treatment
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 of Cancer
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a representative example, some
people
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 have a preference to accept conventional medical
therapy
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as Chinese medicine
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is not suitable for every
health
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 problem, contributing to an irreversible
health
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 situation. Another key factor is that most informal
therapy
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 generates a financial burden.
This
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 alternatives that are usually exclusive to the insurance and unaffordable,
as well as
Linking Words
 the ineffective results drive
people
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 to invest more and more time, accompanied by significant payment.
Furthermore
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, the pressure of finance may influence patients' mental
health
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as
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due to
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 the huge and long-term cost of
therapy
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.
Overall
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, based on both arguments above, I completely believe that trying
alternative
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 medicine and treatments is a negative development, and
such
Linking Words
 evidence has proven that
alternative
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therapy
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 not only lacks sufficient guarantees about the medical effect, but
also
Linking Words
 leads to substantial financial pressures.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it is not an ideal and sustainable way to overcome
health
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 issues compared to formal hospital
treatment
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.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short view, then give 2 or 3 clear reasons with small facts or examples, and finish with a short end.
structure
Make each paragraph have one idea. Begin with a clear sentence that tells the idea, then add a little proof or example, and then finish with a link to the next idea.
language
Use easy words and short sentences. Check hard words and fix them so they are easy to read.
content
Add a real and small example for each point to show your view, not only big ideas.
structure
The writer shows a clear view and has an intro and a conclusion.
coherence
Good use of simple link words like 'One compelling argument' and 'Another key factor'.
content
Overall idea is easy to follow and repeats the main point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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