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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
two column
Use the right word
two-column
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 graphs illustrate the main causes to
study
Use synonyms
 among
students
Use synonyms
 of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups and the proportions of
employees
Use synonyms
 given
support
Use synonyms
 by their employers. The first illustration shows that the older the
students
Use synonyms
 get, the more likely they
Use synonyms
study
Verb problem
are to study
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 for
interest
Use synonyms
 and
on the contrary
Linking Words
, with a less
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 for
career
Use synonyms
 growth. The second one demonstrates that with
an
Correct article usage
apply
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increasing
age
Use synonyms
,
employees
Use synonyms
 tend to receive less
support
Use synonyms
 until
age
Use synonyms
 39
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 after that, their
support
Use synonyms
 will slightly increase again. In
category
Correct article usage
the category
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age
Use synonyms
 under 26, the
study
Use synonyms
 for
career
Use synonyms
 proportionates 80% and 10% for
interest
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 makes the difference the biggest among all
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Followed by the next youngest group of
students
Use synonyms
 who are 26-29, approximately 70% of them
study
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and 15% because of
interest
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the only group having more
Use synonyms
interest driven
Use the right word
interest-driven
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
career
Use the right word
career-driven
show examples
 driven
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 those who are 49 and over.
However
Linking Words
, the most even category is
age
Use synonyms
 40-49 that
there
Use the right word
where
show examples
are
Verb problem
apply
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40% of people choose to
study
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and another 40% for
interest
Use synonyms
. Turning to the 2nd graph, there are slightly more than 30% of
age
Use synonyms
 30-39 who are supported with time off and subsidies, which is
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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 among
5
Correct article usage
the 5
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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, closely followed by
age
Use synonyms
 40-49, 35% of
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 received
support
Use synonyms
. When an employee reaches over 49 years old, the
support
Use synonyms
 system will cover over 40% of them. Being given the most attention
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 the youngest
employees
Use synonyms
 (under 26) that more
than
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 60% are given more help and holidays
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 51% of 26-29 years old
employees
Use synonyms
 will receive the
support
Use synonyms
. The drop
then
Linking Words
 happens dramatically from 29 to 30s by nearly 20%.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words study, students, age, employees, support, interest, career with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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